Don't leave - a Tivi Story [ON HOLD]

>3<

"Why can't you accept it?!"
"Because I can't!"
Avi slammed the door shut, ran out of the house and regretted everything he had said as soon as his knees hit the ground. He wanted to be a father, he wanted to marry his fiancé but the pressure she layed on him was too much sometimes. He loved her dearly, did everything she wanted and gave her everything she needed but Avi started to have second thoughts about this whole thing. Six years have they been together and since the beginning he wanted a family with her but now? His mind was clouded with so many things, he couldn't think properly. The way his fiancé judged every single one of his actions made him feel like he was trapped and couldn't break out.
"I hate you!" Clarissa screamed before she jumped inside the car, driving away crying and on full speed. "No!" Avi jumped up and ran after her. It didn't matter that she was faster but he couldn't let her get away. Unfortunately he didn't know that he lost her right then and there.

It was snowing yet again. His breath, visible in the cold winter air. His heart, cold and frozen like it has been for almost three years now. Avi kept running and running until his legs gave up and he fell onto the ground, yelping at the pain in his knees. "I'm s-sorry..."
He whispered, not caring if anyone would see him as broken man. He lifted his head and let the snowflakes fall onto his face, not melting instantly because of how cold his skin was. His body started to shiver, his lips turned blue. Not wearing a jacket wasn't the best choice but he couldn't go back and he didn't mind now. Nothing was important anymore. Avi thought that Esther would be right. That he would reconnect with his bandmates, that he would be fine but instead it got worse.
How could Esther?! Everyone hated him, everyone but Kirstie.. but she only did it to appear kind hearted and not because she pitied him. That's what he thought and he was stuck with it.
Being isolated and on his own was way better than the cruel confrontation of what he had done. The others knew what he went through, how he cried himself to sleep and how dark the circles under his eyes were on stage. They knew that he lost weight, couldn't stand for long without fainting and got anxiety and panic attacks whenever someone wanted to approach him physically. He hated to turn his fans down but he couldn't deal with anything anymore.
He wanted to go back in time and tell Clarissa how much he loved her, that he wanted her and his child, that he regretted ruining everything. He crawled over to a shop and sat with his back against the brick wall, letting the cold take over his body, creeping its way up until it reached his heart.
"I love you.."
He whispered, feeling how his body was slowly giving up due to the constant stress, sadness and the cold. He started to breathe slower, feeling how his body got warm a little, indicating that he was going to freeze until his heart would stop beating.
I wished we could be together now but we won't. You'll be happy in heaven while I will rot in hell.. I deserve it.. I love you..
Avi thought to himself as he closed his eyes. He wanted to leave this world. Leave behind the pain and struggles following him throughout the days and sleepless nights. Leave a world in which he was alone all along. His bandmates didn't care, they made fun of him. Esther guided him into a trap, maybe it was intentional, because after all he missed her wedding so she would've a reason for revenge. He knew he deserved it, deserved everything that happened today and he didn't mind. The cold crept up his body, fossilizing his limbs until his heart and his brain were the only working things, but one was broken and the other was clouded with guilt.
He opened his eyes for the last time, taking in the darkness around him which was broken by the light of only one street lamp. That's what dying was like. You were alone, no one would come to help and no one would care. You were just another body, filling the busy streets and getting in other people's way, eventually ruining their lives. A few cars passed by, not noticing the man on the ground and thinking that he could be a homeless person who deserved death. But did they really? Avi knew that homeless people were innocent...but he wasn't. He was guilty and deserved the pain of the freezing winter air. He watched how a single snowflake landed on his hand, melted slowly and turned into a tiny water drop. Dying, meant melting away, vanishing before every one's eyes without them being able to do something.
A car stopped in front of him, someone got out and walked to Avi. His sight was blurry and he blackened out due to the cold which was reaching out for his heart and brain and before the person got to him he fell into unconsciousness.
I love you
Those would and should be his last words, his last thoughts, dedicated to his fiancé and daughter. He didn't want anyone to find and rescue him. He wanted to die all alone like he was supposed to.
He wanted to yell and break free but he couldn't, his body had given up. He felt himself being lifted up and he wondered if he was ascending to heaven or stepping down to hell, either way he would die. He heard a voice in the distance, a deep one which sounded similar to the devil's call but the softness of it blurred that image and Avi, who wondered why anyone should care about him, gave up his fight. Avi's lights went out.

"You will be alright..."

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