Don't leave - a Tivi Story [ON HOLD]

>19<

He spent the entire day curled up in his bed, his body under the blankets, cheeks tear-stained. Admitting your love to someone is already hard enough, realizing that you can never be with this person no matter how sweet and caring they are, no matter what gender they are or what they believe in, was a lot harder. He loved him and that broke his heart in a million pieces. He didn't want Tim to die, he was not going to be his murderer.. not again. His eyes stared at the white wall in front of him, his heart heavy, his mind empty. It's all your fault. Clarissa sat down on his bed, not screaming or threatening him. Avi knew he was insane for being able to see her ghost. She caressed his head and traced his features, wiping away his tears. If it wasn't for you I would still be here.

"I'm s-sorry.."

You're not. She shook her head and smiled at him, scaring him internally. He wondered why she was here. To make him feel bad and make him realize that he was the reason she was dead, that's why. I think you need to punish yourself, don't you think? His eyes grew wide in fear. She couldn't demand that..

"N-no.."

No?! Her body hovered over him, long sharp nails digging into his cheek which caressed it beforehand. Avi shed a few tears because of the pain and slowly pushed away his sheets. Not once did he check on you. You're not his number one priority. That felt like a punch in the guts. She was right. Although Avi wanted to be alone, although he didn't wanted to speak to anybody or be with anybody he secretly hoped that Tim would come and check on him, making sure that he was alright. He remained downstairs while Avi cried his heart out. Go to the bathroom, you know you want it. He didn't. He wanted to stay in bed rather than to hurt himself. He wanted to fall into a deep slumber and never wake up rather than to paint his body with thin lines of red colour but his feet dragged him towards his destination anyway. The lights were out, snoring emerged from downstairs indicating that Tim had fallen asleep. See? He doesn't care. Avi covered his mouth with his sleeve and silently cried into it. The only person he could trust a little after so many years, the only person giving him several feelings, the only person taking him in even if he was broken, asleep and not caring...

*Trigger warning!*

Avi opened the door to the bathroom and closed it behind himself. A shaky breath escaped from his mouth as he slowly approached the cabinet in which he would most certainly find the weapon Clarissa wanted him to use. A stock of silver razors, meant to be used for shaving. He took one with shaking fingers and stared at it while tears rolled down his cheeks. 

"I c-can't..."

I've heard you saying that a lot lately. You're right. You can't do anything because you're worthless. Your friends abandoned you, your sister betrayed you, Tim doesn't love you. He lied to make you feel better and you stupid person believed him! She stood behind him and guided his hand to his arm, lingering above it. You deserve it.. Avi closed his eyes and hissed at the sudden pain. He was not used to it. The cut was deep nearly reached the bone. Blood spilled out of it rapidly, his head began to spin. Your fault! A few more cuts above the deepest one. 

"Cl-clarissa..p-please..s-s-stop!"

You're doing that to yourself honey. He opened his eyes and saw that she had vanished. He was alone, the razor in his hand, his arm decorated with various cuts, the sink bloody. His shoulders started to shake and his lips began to tremble. Quickly he threw the razor to the ground and let water flow over the liquid red substance to get rid of any evidence. He tried desperately to bandage his arm, crying at the pain when he put pressure on the bandages. He deserved that, Clarissa was right.. but what would Tim do if he found out? His eyes grew wide at the thought. His problems were still there! They didn't go away! He felt miserable...

*Trigger warning over*

After cleaning up everything he walked downstairs although his mind told him not to, his throat on the other hand needed water. He tip toed towards the kitchen, making sure not to wake Tim. He laid on the couch, sleeping peacefully, unaware of what had happened upstairs. Avi bit his lip to hold back his tears which threatened to fall at any moment when he finally entered the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. The cold of it colliding with his burning hand. He sighed and closed the fridge again, a letter to his left catching his attention. He turned his head towards the piece of paper which was taped on the counter. A note from Tim.

Dear Avi,

I didn't want to bother you. I figure you wanted to be alone for a little while. I made you something to eat, it's in the box in the closet. You may not be hungry but your body needs it. I need you to be healthy okay? If you need me I'm on the couch. I wanted to apologize for invading your privacy. I didn't intend to pressure you. I would never do that. I hope you can forgive me. You're important Avi, never forget that.

Tim

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting! <3

#Yanie