Don't leave - a Tivi Story [ON HOLD]

>7<

Avi's mind was captured, stuck in his body which resisted against the urge to run away. Tim's hand, still stretched out towards him, waiting to be shaken by his own. He couldn't move, feet glued to the ground, arms pulling him down like heavy rocks. His emerald green eyes glassy, tears gathered at the sensation of being helpless. He stared at the welcoming gesture of the man in front of him, but saw something so scathingly in it. One hand had the power to destroy someone's life, to tear it off it's hinges with one little movement. Annihilating someone's outer protective sheath was easier than expected and Avi knew it, went through the painful sensation multiple times just to make the life of others more pleasant. Tim appeared to see his uneased state of mind and took back his hand, creating some space between them. His eyes examined the slightly smaller man, taking in his posture and facial expressions which seemed blank but concealed many emotions, buried and closed away in his heart for no one to find. Avi hugged his own body still looking down at the ground, figthing the desire to escape from his savior. He felt more than helpless. Unnecessary, weak, like a waste of space and time. Those terms fit perfectly and nevertheless he felt so much more. Maybe he should've just died right then and there. He would've.. if Tim wouldn't have saved him. He could rot in hell, like he deserved to. He wouldn't be such a burden to his family and friends who didn't need him anyways. Avi's tearfilled and sparkling eyes looked up ever so slightly. He wanted to know why he was saved. What made him so special, so different from others? Like he thought before, a homeless person was more valuable, merited life more than him so why was he the chosen one? Fate, you would call it. Hell on earth, he would coin the term.

"Do you hate me?"

How could you hate me? Avi's world wasn't whole anymore. He gave her everything he possesed. More than he could've ever imagined to give another human being and now she told him that she hated him. The first time hurt the most, people told him, but every time she said those words he felt the knife in his heart sinking deeper and deeper. Gashing the already bleeding wound. "Clarissa I love you!" He would scream in response. Objects flew through the air, hitting him occasionately. He took the pain, wanting to feel her heartbreak. He never shied away when she went up to hit him. She needed to let out her emotions and Avi, the fool, got used like a punching bag. He did it because he loved her but apparently she didn't feel the same way anymore because she carried the child of another man.

Avi's eyes met his. Letting go of the tears which had gathered until this moment. Tim's face showed so much concern and the sentence he had blurted out made Avi feel even more awful. Hate was such a strong word. Crushed hearts, parted couples, burned down future plans. That word brought Avi back to Clarissa, how she screamed and whined at him to say how much he loved her. He couldn't say it anymore. Avi wasn't one to lie. He loved her but he disliked the way she treated him. Disliked, not hated. She on the other hand hated everything about him. Hated, not disliked. A difference which led to problems so unexpected, so cruel, so deadly. He swallowed hard, tightening the grip around himself. His head shook slowly, indicating a No. It wasn't him who controled his body, it was an external force guiding him. Tim's body relaxed a little, showed by his sinking shoulders and easing features. He flashed a small smile, making his eyes glow in a beautiful chocolate brown.

"Wait here I will get you some water."

It didn't seem to bother Tim that Avi hadn't spoken at all. He propably didn't want to force him into talking or just knew that he was more than uncomfortable. Avi remained where he was, digging his nails into his skin, so far it left marks. He pressed his arms against his torso, hiding his fading scars from the world. Of course he didn't bother his bandmates and family to see it, they knew how much he had suffered over the past three years, they knew.. that he had decided to come as near to death as possible, being admitted to hospital multiple times. In front of Tim however he hid them. Right now he was too tired to deal with another confrontation of how stupid and selfless he was, as if someone actually cared about him dying. He snapped out of his thoughts when the silhouette of the man shadowed his face. Tim held a glass of water in his hands, handing it to Avi before he sat down in a careful motion. He didn't want to scare him. Avi stared down at the water. So calm and yet so unsettled. His mind started to play games with him because the longer he gazed the deeper the glass seemed to become. He could feel water drops surrounding his body, capturing him like shackles, suffocating him bit by bit. His hand started to tremble, moving the water unevenly like waves hitting the coast. The shore was too far away, no ground under him. He got caught in something, it dragged him down, further and further until all he could see was black. He thought he had died but suddenly, light. He was back in the livingroom. Next to him, Tim. The glass, broken on the ground. The carpet, soaked with the water he had spilled by letting go of its container.
Avi realized what he had done, looked at Tim, ridden by fear. He expected him to smack him, to beat him up for being such a failure, a nobody. He deserved it. He deserved the punishment. He knew he should've died, else this wouldn't have happened! The punch never came. Tim saw the scars on his tensed arms before Avi could hid them and his heart grew heavier. Although he feared to cause a panic attack he lifted his arm to guide Avi down onto the couch and he didn't fight against his grip. The look in his eyes was blank, his mouth slightly quailing. Tim felt sorry for the man he had met and rescued only yesterday. What happened to such a beautiful human being to scar him like that?

"S-sor-ry."

Avi quavered, another tear falling.

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Sad music really helps writing..

Check out: Dare me? by PTXSLMJ (she didn't ask for a shout out but hey.. why not ♡)