Don't leave - a Tivi Story [ON HOLD]

>18<

Avi entered the livingroom. The smile had vanished.

When he sat in the bathtub, the warm water washing away his physical injuries he got reminded of his psychologically ones. Those, he couldn't get rid of, those who followed him day by day, those thoughts he never wanted to hear again. He expected to feel better after what Tim had told him, he expected to heal fast with his help. But this didn't seem to be the case. Instead his mind wandered to that place he dreaded so much. He figured Tim only took him in because he pitied him and he didn't need that. It was true that Tim remained with him, sang to him, made him feel better but only for a small amount of time. The majority of the time Avi felt like a huge mass was pushing him further onto the ground, so far he feared he would soon lay six feet under. While he was in the bathtub he started to cry silently, silently because he didn't want Tim to come and comfort him. He didn't want it, he needed to be alone like he was used and meant to.

Besides that.. whatever was going on with his heart wasn't right. It was not right for him to feel that way, under any circumstances or at any time. Tim made him feel alive and dead at the same time. He felt precious and worthless whenever he laid his head on his legs to rest and he hated the imagines which were planted in his mind without him wanted them to. He hated having feelings for him because he knew that Tim deserved so much better...

"I don't know which movie you wanted to watch so I picked a few."

Avi snapped out of his thoughts. He didn't noticed he was standing right in front of Tim, watching him as he pressed a few buttons on the television. The way his hair fell onto his shoulders, his beautiful eyes glued to the screen. Avi shut his eyes and started to massage his temple with his right hand. He needed to stop. He couldn't feel and think that way.. it was wrong. He heard shuffling and when he opened his eyes he wished he wouldn't feel his heart beating faster.

"Did the bath help a little?"

Tim's hand reached out and rested on Avi's hip, making him hold his breath and widen his eyes in fear. Tim noticed it and quickly retreated.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so forward."

"N-no i-it's f-f-fine..."

Blatant lie. It was obviously not fine for him. Avi mentally slapped himself and took a deep breath before taking Tim's hand and let him guide him towards the couch, where he made sure not to touch him any further. Avi sat crisscrossed on the couch, playing with his fingers and waited for the movie to start although it didn't matter to him anyways. He constantly eyed Tim from the side, his heart beating faster every time he did so, his breathing hitching every time he thought Tim had caught him staring. When the taller brunette turned off the television Avi didn't even seem to notice it, he kept looking at the black screen, their bodies on the couch reflecting in it. Their eyes met on the screen. Nothing else happened. Tim didn't move, Avi didn't dare to. They just kept staring and drowing... drowing in a sea with green and brown colors...

"I-I can't.."

Avi cried without a warning. But those weren't tears of sadness... those were tears of confusion and self hatred, because he couldn't believe himself right now.

"It's okay."

"No it's not!"

Avi's shoulders trembled. They finally looked at one another, worry expressed on Tim's face. His eyes took in the broken man in front of him. Everything he had done for him didn't work. Everything he tried to do only helped his body but not his mind. It did affect his mind but only in a negative kind of way and he knew it. Tim knew he had confused him even more rather than to help him clear his mind and start from zero. He failed him.

"Avi I.."

"I just c-can't love you o-okay?!"

Avi froze immediatly. Tim wasn't meant to hear it. The smaller bass started to panic and ran upstairs, slamming the door to his room shut, falling onto his bed.

"Oh no..oh no..!"

Tim remained on the couch, eyes glued to the door through which Avi had disappeared. He had done so much wrong and now that Avi was terryfied he knew that there was no way back. I just can't love you okay? Tim's heart shattered when he heard that because deep down he had feelings for Avi he couldn't even understand. But Avi couldn't or wouldn't ever love him back. Not if his mind wasn't cured and his heart was whole again...

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting! ♡

#Yanie