Don't leave - a Tivi Story [ON HOLD]

>14<

That fear, when you don't know if it's safe to speak. A thousand eyes,staring at you, ready to attack if you tried to give away any information. Avi was torn between revelation paired with healing or keeping his past for himself. It didn't matter which one he chose,his decision would cut him either way, one deeper and more painful than the other. Tim asked if he would be okay with them holding hands, just in case Avi needed a reassurance that someone was caring while his mind wandered off into the world of thoughts and memories.

"I really loved and still love her but recently she..she's scaring me.."

He had told his savior their whole story. How they met, how they fell in love despite the fact that he was barely at home and he didn't leave out one detail. He wasn't sure if what he said was safe to tell but he strangely trusted the man he barely knew. The girl,who was pictured in one of the photos hanging on the wall was his main concern. But he figured they should talk about it after going through Avi's entire story. The heartbreak he went through, his fears and insecurities, the self-hatred, the fact he had lost all of his friends and connections, his fading voice on stage, the time he attempted suicide.. Nothing remained untouched, his eyes were dull and puffy due to all the tears he had shed. Avi knew that as soon as he was alone, Clarissa would stab him with the knive of guilt for seeking out help and urge him to punish himself. Be it through cutting or starving, he would obey either way. That's why he wasn't as strong-willed and free-spirited anymore. Before he acted he had to ask Clarissa for her blessing. She wasn't a cruel person, definitely not, but the fact that his mind blamed him for their deaths made it appear as if she was the demon hunting him. If he could only get away from her...

"What do you feel whenever she is present?"

Avi was laying on the couch, his head resting once more on Tim's lap ast hey played with each other's fingers. The scared bass let out a shuttering breath and turned the other man's hand around to face the palm, tracing the thin lines with his index finger.

"I feel..frightened and.. judged, hated.."

"And do you think that those are feelings a lover should give you?"

Avi studied the different lines and compared them to his own.

Line of life.. tells the vitality ofa person and shows health status. His own was short and barely there.

Line of success... tells how successful a person will be in his life.
There was none.

Line of heart... tells the emotions of a person (physical or mental love).
Avi's barely reached the middle of his palm.

Line of marriage... tells when you will have strong feelings for an opposite/same sex and how deep the feeling is and how happy the relationship will be.

Avi's eyes widened. The first line was short, broken in the middle and pointed down, but the second one was longer, not interrupted and parted at the end into two thinner lines. He looked at Tim's and saw the same pattern on his hand. He furrowed his eyebrows and his glance wandered up to find an explanation in the eyes of the slightly taller man. He saw tenderness and understanding.

"I've been married once but she died.. heart failure."

He smiled down, sympathy and care shone in his eyes as Avi sat up, half straddeling Tim's hips. A stab of guilt, this time coming from the inside and not because Clarissa was killing him, hit him and he mentally slapped himself for being so selfish.

"I-I d-didn't know.."

"You couldn't have. It's not your fault."

Avi held Tim's hand in his, saw that apart from the same line of marriage they both shared Tim's other ones were longer and healthier. He placed their hand on top of one another, lifting them up Tarzan and Jane style to take a look at them. They seemed to be the same on the outside, but differed on the inside. Tim's eyes never left Avi, he smiled slightly at how adorable and curious he looked under the broken and sad facade he displayed everday. Avi noticed him, he felt his own cheeks warm up a little, not knowing what his body was trying to say.

"Come here.."

Tim offered, holding open his arms. The bass was to exhausted and to love deprived to decline it. He fell into the arms of his savior and nuzzled his head into the crook of Tim's neck.

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