Don't leave - a Tivi Story [ON HOLD]

>15<

Safety. You long for it day by day. Whenever you're outside you shield yourself from others. When you're alone you pretend to be heartless just to protect yourself. And even though you know that this behaviour isn't healthy, you still do it. Tim had layed down the smaller man onto the couch, caressing his arm over and over again, reassuring that he would come back in a few minutes. They had stayed in the embrace, listened to their heart beats synchronizing, their breathing steadying. An embrace was worth the physical contact Avi had tried to avoid for years. He managed to push away the negative thoughts for a moment and to just take in the feeling of being held and maybe loved by someone. He realized he had left his wallet, containing his ID, and the phone at the restaurant and even though he didn't want to break their precious moment Tim agreed to drive off and get the items.

"I still don't think he will be able to fix what is no longer there."

Avi stared at the ceiling, drawing circles on his own stomach as he let those thoughts and scoldings take over his mind. The physical comfort he felt could never get through to his mind. He would always think of himself as useless, weak and not worth Tim's attention. Thinking about him made him wonder a few things. Why was a stranger willing to help him? And why..he couldn't believe he would think about it..why was he strangely attracted to him? Most probably because of the security..It couldn't be those dreamy brown eyes, filled with understanding and shining in the light of compassion and sympathy. Maybe it was the way his deep voice soothed his mental pain, making him fall into a deep slumber.. Avi felt his cheeks warming up when he shook his head. No, he couldn't fall for him. Clarissa would punish him for being unfaithful and cheating on her. He couldn't commit to a new relationship, not now, not when he was still afraid of being left and hurt again when he still hadn't fully recovered from the previous one. The wounds were still fresh, old scars got ripped open every time he took his punishments. A clicking noise caught his attention, causing him to turn his head and meet the eyes of the man, who wasted his time with a broken doll.

"They already started to wonder why no one was picking them up. It took me some of my acting skills before they handed them to me."

He walked over to the couch, taking a seat next to the bass and instantly noticed his reddened cheeks and the uneven breathing. Tim, who worried constantly, placed a hand on Avi's shoulder, making him flinch slightly.

"Hey? Are you okay? Did something happen while I was gone?

Avi kept his eyes glued to the carpet, thinking about normal stuff in order to tone down his nervousity. He hoped that Tim wouldn't ask further and just shrugged, opening his palm to retreat his nearly dead phone. He clicked the button on the side, illuminating the screen and immediatly felt sick to his stomach. No phone calls. Only a few messages on Whatsapp. Tim looked over his shoulder and Avi let him. Why not? He had nothing to hide. He had no private conversations going on, only the group chat contained 23 new messages. He sighed and tapped on it with shaking fingers.

Scott: Rehearsal in 10
Kevin: Coming. Should i bring my cello?
Kirstie: On my way. Is Esther coming too?
Mitch: Does anyone want starbucks?
Scott: Totally, you know what I want

The conversation went on but there was no trace of them wondering where Avi was. No one was caring about him not being there. They hadn't notice his absence, rehearsed without him. Avi knew it. He always knew that he wasn't an important part in this group. Nobody felt guilty for not running after him, to stop him from nearly dying in the cold. Not even Kirstie cared, the only one who showed a little empathy and shielded him a little from the others. Esther, his only sister, never called or texted him privately. Only said in the group chat that he should hurry up. He felt how a tear rolled down his cheek, realizing that he was unwanted and not needed. His fans didn't notice that he wasn't writing anything on twitter. His family hadn't heard of him disappearing. His former friends and bandmates showed nothing but disinterest. There was no reason to ever get back to them.

"N-no one c-cares. I-I'm j-j-just a n-nob-body..."

His shoulders started to shake, the grip around the cellphone tightened and with a swift motion, filled with anger and sadness, he threw the electric device towards the wall, watching it break apart and land on the floor. He sprung up, rage boiling up inside of him as he stared at Tim with bloodshot and dull eyes.

"Why?! Why c-couldn't you l-let me d-d-die?! No one wants me! I'm u-useless! I'm n-nothing but a waste of t-time and space! Clarissa was right all along!"

Tim, who had no intention of keeping a distance between them anymore, jumped onto his feet and stepped foreward, grabbing Avi's arms firmly and pulling him towards his body, causing their chests to touch. He looked down at the destroyed human being in front of him, came to his senses as he heard the scared whimper and loosened his grip a little.

"I couldn't let you die. You're worth more than you think.
Avi.."

He wiped away a few tears and cupped his face, giving him a small smile.

"You're an angel, you just can't see it. You're not a waste of time or space. You're needed, wanted and also dearly loved."

"Oh yeah?"

Avi freed himself and crossed his chest, protecting his sensitive heart from outer influences.

"You couldn't name one person who would fight or die for me.."

"I bet I can."

The bass laughed and threw his hands over his head, not believing why Tim would lie to him.

"And who would?"

Avi realized how stupid he was for walking straight into the trap, getting caught into the shackles and ropes, tightening around his heart. He knew he should've left right there, because when Tim answered he found himself being pierced with Clarissas sword over and over again.

"Me."

Thank you for reading,voting and commenting! ♡

#Yanie