Coming Out 101

3

Hey, so yeah, this is my story about my journey navigating through life or to be exact, navigating through the journey to look at myself. I know that sounds cliche, but this is my story and I am so damn proud of it.

Lets begin.

My name is Winifred Bates, at least, that's my penname. I am 15 years old and I am now exploring my sexuality. I think I am straight but I am so into hot female celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Watson, and Taylor Swift. God I worship them. Even my obsession towards the three aforementioned ladies made me question whether I am straight or not.

I thought I was straight just like every other person thought about their sexuality. But then I realised that I wanted to google female celebrities more than male celebrities. And then after reading books with the LGBTQ+ topic, I am starting to wander into the realm of sexuality (Forgive the bad metaphor). 

But I realise one thing. I am really, really, really afraid of exploring my sexuality. Like dead afraid. And in my head I start to wonder what if I wake up someday and I realise that I am not as straight as I thought I was? What if I wake up and something that I know my parents will deem me as a disappoint?

Here's the thing about my parents. They're. Really. Damn. Judgemental. That's the cold hard truth that I learned about them about a year ago. My parents are racist. Yes, I admit it. Not hardcore, but still racist and slightly homophobic. Sometimes I couldn't be more grateful that I met such an accepting online community. Several years ago when me and my family were preparing for a wedding with my father's friends child, I overheard a conversation between my parents. My father said that he heard the groom was gay but his parents demanded him to marry a girl instead. A rumor said that the groom was already 'cured', but my mother pointed out that being gay couldn't be 'cured'. I have to admit, the two people (mainly my mom) whom I looked up to had a very, very wrong and misjudged perspective and I felt very disappointed. Why should they treat being gay, bi, or lesbian like a disease? They didn't ask for it. What if my older brother openly admits he's gay? I swear my parents would raise their eyebrows instead of being supportive (mainly my dad).

My mom has quite a disturbing belief in my opinion. Regardless of how much I love her and how much I look up to her, her opinion often saddens me. She says she's okay with the LGBTQ+ community, but she wants be to marry a man instead of a woman because it wouldn't be normal. My parents said they are fine with it, but are weirded out when two girls hold hands and look all lovey dovey when they look at each other, even if it's in a movie. You know what, Mom, Dad, normal's suck okay. Sometimes I wish I could tie them up and lecture them about how wrong their perspective is.

I only opened up to exploring my sexuality to ONLY two of my best friends, and they were both really supportive (which I am extremely grateful for). And even one of my friends (not the two I told) came out as asexual.

And currently, I am sure I am straight, but I am still exploring. 

Last word, I hope my story will inspire people to embrace who you are, because you're worth it.

~Wini