Coming Out 101

37

I've always known I've liked girls. I have this specific memory of me in the playground, looking at all the girls and thinking to myself: am I gay? I just brushed it off like it was nothing but looking back I now recognise that that feeling and that thought never left me I guess.It wasn't until I was 13 that I thought about it again. I had a huge crush on my friend who actually had a girlfriend at the time and I was so incredibly jealous. I didn't understand what the jealousy was at first but then somehow I figured out that I wasn't so straight. I didn't freak out or anything I was just like 'cool, i'm bisexual, whatever'.When I was 14 though I started to panic. I was at an age where I wanted to date girls and take them to meet my parents and I would cry myself to sleep every night. I'd watch every queer TV show, movie and YouTube video available and it's all I thought about. One night when I was crying I felt so drained I realized I was done with feeling like that so I snapchatted my best friend and told her I was bisexual and let me tell you, a huge weight got lifted off my chest. It also made me realize though that I was nowhere near ready to come out to my parents and I knew that I still needed more time to be comfortable with myself first. Now I've come out to so many of my friends. To be fair, they're friends that don't live near me and that I've met at concerts but it's been a huge step for me. I went to pride with them and a i'm so open and comfortable around them it's amazing. I've been questioning my sexuality a lot recently, I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or lesbian but unlike in the past, I'm not scared to find out and I'm okay with not knowing all the answers. I'm still not ready to come out to my parents yet but I know that one day I will be, whether it's in 5 months or 5 years.I just want everyone to know that being happy with yourself should come before anything. At the end of the day it's your life and if you're not ready to do anything, don't do it. Find yourself before anyone else does and don't let anyone force you into coming out. If you're like me, a person who feel comfortable labels, enjoys being sure of things, likes knowing the facts, it can be hard and frustrating not knowing who you are but at the end of the day, you'll figure it out and it'll be the biggest goddamn relief of your life.