Coming Out 101

12

So, it all started at the beginning of this school year and when I was in a 'welcome back' assembly. I took my usual seat and started talking to my friends and when I looked up I saw the most beautiful girl I think that ever existed on earth. I'm not kidding when I say I stopped breathing, because I did (for like 3-4 seconds). She (lets call her Kate) made my heart melt into a thousand pieces and made my stomach feel like it was being punched repeatedly.

'Kate was a junior and up until November I developed a massive crush on her, so  much so that I tried to talk to her the only worlds that would come out were, "crap, sorry." Great start, I know.

Up until then, I had never really questioned my sexuality, I always just thought I was straight and that would be the end. All throughout November and December, I tried to figure out my sexuality using the internet and a trusted friend. In the end we came to the conclusion that I was gay. For most people this might be a happy moment because they're finally discovered their sexuality, yay! For me, I felt like crying. My mother and brother are both accepting of the LGBT+ community in general, but when they have an LGBT relative, it's a different story.

Lets skip to the coming out process. I was in the car in the cold month of January and my mom was driving me back from a party. We were both discussing mediocre things, and I don't know what drove me to do it but I blurted out, "I'm gay." Then came the awkward part, I came out as genderfluid and had to explain what being genderfluid was. I had known what it meant from when I was around 14, so that part I didn't need figuring out.

My mom went dead silent and concentrated on driving, but I could see her knuckles were white and to be honest, it was scaring me. When we got home, she disappeared upstairs and came back down with my phone and laptop. She plugged the T.V. out and removed all of the books with themes of love from my bookshelf. My room was pretty much empty. She kept saying how the internet 'turned' me gay and was refusing to believe that this was me.

For the next month or so, she kept asking me when I was going to get a boyfriend and always pointing out males for me on the street, even going as far as to tell one I found them cute (which I did not, I'd rather date rabbits then date them).

While this was going on, my mental health broke. Before this, I was already depressed and had been getting worse every day due to my constant substance abuse, but not, when my mom was being such a jerk to me, my mental health just crashed. I knew I seriously needed help and that planning my suicide wouldn't solve anything, but it was something I could get lost in. That sounds stupid, but planning my suicide to the last detail calmed me because, as crazy as it sounds, I knew that I had a way out if I wanted it.

Anyway, she soon managed to accept that I was gay and genderfluid and apologized to me many times. She gave back everything, even buying me new stuff, but I think she knew that our relationship wouldn't be the same at all. To this day, I'm still royally messing my brain up and still abusing substances. some more than usual. I'm now so in love with 'Kate' that it hurts me because I know that she'll never be my girlfriend and that she's only someone I see at gigs. My suicide plan is still set for a certain date and I have no intention to move it just yet.This isn't a very happy ending but we can't all have happy endings, can we? Anyway, I'm sorry if you wanted something that would end with: "My parents accepted me and I finally went out with the girl I wanted." If you so want something like that, I recommend checking out some fictional books or readings though other stories in this book.

Best of luck for all you LGBT+ potatoes out there, I hope everything works out for you guys.