Coming Out 101

9

I grew up in a Christian/Catholic home background. I always heard the term 'gay' when I was younger, I knew what it meant, even as a child and I even snubbed my nose to gays as my family did. I was always taught to 'walk on the other side of the street' from gays, so to speak, my family tried to teach me that it was wrong and keep me as far away from those influences and other gay family members as possible.

But it never worked. I was always ... fascinated by them. (Maybe that's not the right word, but, anyways) I was always loved how kind and accepting they were, etc. I loved them. So let's get back to the story. Fast forward a few years to my first crush when I was like, 7 or 8, my sunday school teacher, of course who was a girl, a beautiful curly haired brunette girl with fair skin and bright brown eyes. Yes, I do remember realising that it was a crush because this was the age all my other friends starting having their first crushes. I would blush every time I saw her. Then I started to remember things ... thinking inappropriate thoughts about my girl best friend when I was like five, how I felt when I saw her naked for the first time, etc. I knew I was ... gay. Or at least bi. But I didn't know much about labels at that time, so I pushed the thought aside ...

I had many boy crushes after this incident also so I thought I was straight. I kept pushing the thought aside. Until I was about 10, 11, or 12 I officially considered myself bisexual and told all my friends, not thinking anything bad would happen (big mistake) I got mildly bullied through this time, called words like faggot, dike, etc. Then my niece found out I was bi and was shocked, she would physically abuse me too.

I went through a deep depression and 'emo/goth' phase during this time, so to everyone I was that 'emo faggot girl'/ Then when I was 13 and going to a private Christian school I told my friends I was bi (even though I knew I was gay at the time), someone overheard and started making fun of me again. So I went into another deep depression. But soon after that I had my first kiss with a girl. I had no problem accepting myself for who I really am and telling people that I'm gay.