Coming Out 101

24 (Part 1)

This will be divided into 2 parts. Enjoy!

I don't really know how to begin this so I'll just start off with introducing myself; Hi my (media) name is Hanae Emi. I was never really good with accepting things that define the person I am, I'm actually STILL not good at accepting myself. So you can only imagine how it must've felt accepting my sexuality. I always told myself "nah chill you're straight" but a part of me never took that seriously. It's not that I had a problem with people who had a different sexuality from straight, it was just my never ending self unacceptance. I grew up with guys and girls who have become very close to me and opened up about being gay, but even so, I kept the doubts to myself at all times. After a few months of pushing these thoughts away, I met this girl at a library I always went to. Now I've talked to her before that day, though it was only simple things like "hey could I borrow your pen?", but that day is when I truly met her. The day we got each others names and numbers with a promise to keep in touch. We had a lot of things in common. We both loved coffee. We also both loved The Neighborhood. We also both loved drinking coffee while listening to The Neighborhood. After that day we would always meet in the library after school and texted each other the rest of the time we weren't together. 8 months after our first meet, she told me she loved me. I told her I loved her too, I had always considered her like the sister I never had. She told me the thought was cute but that she loved me more than a sisterly way. I understood why she was so nervous that day, never imaging the reason behind it was that she liked me. I finally told her about my sexuality doubts, she told me she understood that if I wanted time to think about this. After she said that, she put her books in her bag and began heading out the door. I remember that day so clearly, I remember the way my heart broke as I thought of a life without her.

I told her to stop and before I could think I told her I wanted to date her. She was so happy she ran back and hugged me, I did the same back; I was skeptical about our relationship and the ways it could end badly. Those thoughts soon ended when our first date came. It was perfect, we went to a concert, to be exact; a The Neighborhood concert. We continued dating for 2 years until that day came. The first day of many days where I wished I could've taken her place. I wasn't with her when this happened, I was visiting my grandma in Leon. I'm not going to go into details on what happened, all I'm going to say is that a piece of my heart broke that day, a piece that still hasn't been fixed. My parents always knew how much she meant to me, they thought it was a sisterly love. I figured the day I lost her should also be the day I loose my parents and their respect.