No. 99 (Joey Bada$$)

47• A Termination Of Our Consciousness

   I kissed Joey goodbye and I went back to the apartment. My Aunty was in her room and Rakim was in mine.

A/N: Aunty Alex in the media section ^^^

"Hey." He said with rasp in his voice.

"Hey. You okay?" I asked

"You want me to be honest?"

"Please."

"I'm not doin' too well." He played with some string.

"I know. All three of us are but guess what? This will make us stronger."

"No it won't. Who told you that?" He scoffed "Everything is hitting the fan."

"You the strongest person I know. I haven't forgotten that. Yeah it's been five years but I know you Rocky, I know you're strong."

"Why are you saying all these good things?"

"Because. Why look at the dark side when the light is right in front of you? It's doesn't make sense to look at the bad stuff."

He nodded his head "Wise words. Can you stay for the rest of the day? It's a bit lonely. Aunty Alex hasn't been out of her room in forever."

"Of course."

"So um...I had this flashback."

"Of what?"

"That therapy session I went to." He looked down

"Yeah! I remember that. You never told me what happened though."

"I had some vision. It was Christmas. Everybody was at the house having a good time and some dude that looked exactly like me was crying in the corner of my room. He said his mom was in a coma because of his dad and he didn't want to disappoint his sis."

My mouth hung open.

"He was wearing the clothes I had on when I brought you back here about a week ago."

"That's...that's wild."

"It is. I ain't crazy or nothin' but I think that he was the future or somethin'...I mean...it's the exact situation I'm in." He looked down at the floor. "I guess it was some type of warning."

"That's scary as fuck!" I whisper shouted "That's creepy!"

"In a way but I should have spoke to him about it. Get more info ya know?"

"I guess it's one of those things where if you do something like- let's just say you befriend him, that could have changed how this went, right?" I said "I don't know if I'm making any sense."

"You are but we're in the now. Ain't nothin' we can do but pray for mom and that nigga." He put his head in his hands "This is all out of order. This came out of no where! Aunty called me early in the morning around four o clock, I came up here and we spoke. I was gonna wake you up but your sleep schedule is gonna get messed up and I don't want to hand you bad news so early."

"Why do you have that tone in your voice!?" I looked at him in disbelief "It sounds like your giving up!"

"I'm not giving up. I'm never gonna do that. I feel guilty. I'm just laying everything out on the table."

"Why are you guilty?"

"Because I have so much going on. This shit is stressing me the fuck out!! Everywhere I turn there's an obstacle, you're all I have on my mind right now. Your well being. I want to give you the world. Show you things Dad wasn't able to show you."

"You don't have to do that." I said softly.

"Yes! I do because I have to set an example. I don't want you to turn out like them sluts on the street looking the wrong type of love, homeless, in the grave. I can't stress how much you mean to me!" He held back tears

"I understand you but you don't have to worry so much." I was misty eyed. Seeing a man cry is my weakness.

"I know! I'm sorry! You're old enough." He blew his nose

"It's not because I'm old enough, it's because you're too good of a person to go down like this. We will all get out of this, the scars showing that we survived."

   He cried into my shoulder. I feel like his mind is his worst enemy right now. He's overthinking to much and it's tearing him apart. He's trying to play the brother and Dad role, I'm trying to explain that he doesn't need to do that. Holding my brother in my arms is hurting me just as much as it's hurting him to give in and show his pain on the outside.
   Yeah we're falling apart but we can start again and make it right. He was crying hard and that did it for me. We were both balls of sadness and tears. I really don't know what's going to happen next, I'm only being like this for my brother. He needs this support. This love.