Vapor {5SOS / Brian Dales}

10

Giordana

December 2015 (Sydney, Christmas time)

As usual, my family made the trip back to Sydney for Christmas and New Years. This year would be so different though, I wouldn't be spending New Years with Michael and the guys. Not that I cared about spending New Years with them, seeing as Luke would be there. I was heading back home to Melbourne on the twenty eighth to spend New Years with Monti.

To be honest, I didn't even want to be in Sydney, Monti invited me to spend Christmas with her family, but my parents weren't letting me. I hadn't told them about the real reason Luke and I broke up.

Over the last two and a half months, I'd written so many songs in regards to my break up. One came to me when I was at my worst. It was at the beginning of November, when what's her name posted a photo of the two of them on Instagram kissing. It broke me. And to make it all worse, it was the day after I woke up, finally coming to terms with what happened. Over the first month when Luke and I ended, I'd tried calling him so many times, but each time he didn't answer. It broke my heart. The day that photo was posted, was the day I wrote probably the best lyrics ever

I feel so alone, staring at the shower wall
It's begun the feeling that the end has come, and now the waters cold
I Tried to eat today but a lump in my throat got in the way
In this time, I've lost all sense of pride
I've called a hundred times

Those words in this song were the cruel, harsh reality of events that occurred after our break up. It's pretty damn clear, I was a mess. Hell I probably still am!

I remember that day as clear as anything. I woke up and saw the photo, walked to the bottle shop, and brought a bottle of vodka, and sat in the bath and drank it straight. Not caring about what would happen. I think I past out at some point, because Monti was the one that found me and the next thing I knew, I woke up in bed. On his side.

And I, I can't come alive
I want the room to take me under
'Cause I can't help but wonder
What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep
These four walls and me

With Monti's help, I learnt how to play the guitar. This was the only song I knew how to play. And she also taught me how to play it on piano, so that's where I was now. On Christmas Eve, in my grandparent's house, playing their old piano, singing the song I wrote when I was at my lowest.

I lay in bed
Can't seem to leave your side
Your pillow's wet
From all these tears I've cried
I won't say goodbye

I tried to smile today
Then I realized there's no point anyway

This was another event that occurred in the aftermath. For weeks I lay on the side of my bed that Luke slept on, that one night. The night we had our last perfect moment. That night haunted me, and as soon as he started being seen with her, I instantly began to regret giving him that night. The night where we acted like everything was fine.

In this time I've lost all sense of pride
I've called a thousand times
If I hear your voice I'll be fine

And I, I can't come alive
I want the room to take me under
'Cause I can't help but wonder
What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep
These four walls and me

Oh oh oh

And I, I can't come alive
I want the room to take me under
'Cause I can't help but wonder
What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep
These four walls and me