Vapor {5SOS / Brian Dales}

24

Michael

March 9th (Sukhothai Hotel, Bangkok)

I hate myself, yeah that's about right. I fucking hate myself. Why the fuck did I have to do that? Why the fuck did I jump to that fucking conclusion?
I should have known better. I should know better. I couldn't help it though. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.

I knew that this was all my fault. I stayed up all hours last night; hoping that somehow, I could make this right. Why the fuck am I such a fuck up?

I couldn't believe that I went and accused Gia, the girl I could quite possibly be in love with of cheating on me. I should have known that she would never do such a thing. I saw first hand just how fucking badly he hurt her. So why would she do the same thing? It just seemed too good to be true. Everything was perfect. I had my girl, she was mine. But that's exactly all she was. Was. Not is. And I had royally fucked up.

I sprung off the bed and made my way to her hotel room; not knowing what time her flight to Koh Samui, left this morning. We had two hours before we had to leave, for our flight to Hong Kong. I just hoped I wasn't too late. I knew now, that if I didn't even attempt to make things right, right now; I would lose her. Not that I hadn't already lost her.

I got to the elevator and made my way down. When I got to her floor, I sprinted as fast as I could, to her room. I was almost heartbroken to see that there was a cleaning trolley outside the door, and the door was open. I decided that I had no other choice, but to go to the airport, I didn't even fucking care, what happened. I didn't even care who saw us. I wanted her to be mine. I would spend whatever amount of time I had apologising, for what I said to her. For what I accused her of.

I made my way back upstairs to my own room, and began throwing my belongings back into my suitcase. I didn't even bother closing the door. I'd just zipped up my suitcase and I pulled out my phone to message Calum. I knew he would try and stop me. But I didn't care.

To Calum: I'm going to try and make things right with G. I'm leaving for the airport now, I'll see you there

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I heard a voice speak, I looked up and saw Calum
"What the fuck? How did you even get in here?" I asked
"Your door was left open ass hole,"
"Whatever," I picked up the suitcase, and headed towards the door. I knew exactly what was coming next
"I wouldn't even try," he said firmly
"Fuck off," I told him, "I need to do this,"
"You don't need to do anything, you've already done enough,"
"Oh and how would you know that?" I scoffed
"I was with her last night," he told me, "she's a fucking mess, I swear to God, if she even sees you, you'll just hurt her even more,"
"But..." I didn't even know what to say, "I need to try,"
"You can't fix what you said, you were there Michael, you fucking saw how badly she was hurting at your accusations,"
"What do I do?" I asked, "I can't lose her," I was just about ready to break down
"You should have thought about that before you called her a slut and accused her of cheating!" He yelled, "this is your own fault," I couldn't say anything, he was right. I had no where to stand, this was my fault. I hurt one of the most important people in my life, "you made your bed, now fucking lie in it,"

"There has to be something I can do," I said, more to myself than him
"There's not,"
"There has to be, this can't be the end,"
"Well guess what? It is, and you're the one to blame!"
"And what about Luke?"
"What about him?"
"He said those things about her to me,"
"And what did you say back?" He asked, "what he did last night was no where near as bad, as what you did, and you'd know that,"
"I do,"
"Just accept it," he shrugged, "accept that you fucked up beyond repair, and this time, there's nothing you can do to fix it,"
"But she forgave Luke," I stressed out
"Yeah, but this time, is different. You were her best friend, you were there for her through all of the Luke crap,"
"Shouldn't that mean something, though?" I asked
"Not this time, I don't see her forgiving you, she was finally happy mate, she was finally over everything," he said, "you know what she said to me after her birthday?"
"What?"
"She said, that she forgave Luke, but she couldn't do it again, she said that if anyone hurts her to the point that she goes back to the way she was, she couldn't forgive them," I was speechless, "you've done that, congratulations,"
"I'm such a fuck up," I groaned
"You are, and I get it, you made a mistake, we all do, but this? This is fucked, this is one thing you can't repair, so don't expect any sympathy from me or Ash," I nodded, "you're our brother, and we love you, but you gotta realise that you deserve whatever happens now,"