Keep Me Where The Light Is (Camren)

Ch 13.5 - Camila's POV

Camila's POV

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Trust.

A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something-- at least that's what Google tells me.

What a slippery word.

Even the expressions used along with it are a little odd.

You can earn it, you can break it; you can lose it, you can restore it.

For something that's supposed to elicit a firm belief in something or someone, the word itself, is a fragile and unpredictable one.

Fragile, because of its impermanence. Unpredictable, because the smallest doubt has the capacity to unravel even the strongest knots.

It's a word that I've been throwing around in the back of my head, ever since Lauren and I finally got back together.

Just when things were starting to feel solid between us again, there's this little part of me, just nipping at the edges; waiting for the other shoe to drop while questioning and doubting her intentions.

I hear Lauren murmur beside me, forcing my eyes down to look at the way her lips crinkle a bit before her breathing steadies again.

It makes me smile without thinking, and I reach forward to brush the stray strands off her face.

My fingers linger over her warm skin, and she kinda coos a bit, pushing into my hand with a happy sigh.

I feel a pang of guilt about my actions yesterday.

I know I went a little too far, and it probably felt like it came out of nowhere, from Lauren's perspective.

But bitterness has a way of rearing its ugly head; sometimes, in the most inopportune times.

Of course I was disappointed about losing, and of course I'm proud of Lauren for winning.

But the real trigger was Taylor, basically saying that a solo career would be way more difficult for me now, coming out from under Fifth Harmony's shadow-- and now, Lauren's.

But why does Lauren get to have it all, anyway? Why does--

I stop my line of thinking immediately, even going as far as physically shaking my head to get the toxic thoughts out of my mind.

"Morning, baby..." Her voice is raspy as always; a little more than usual even, given how early it is.

I look down at Lauren, and her eyes look clear and crystal green, and for a moment I get lost in them.

Right.

This is why she deserves the world.

She reaches up and cups my cheek with a hesitant hand.

I smile into her palm and close my eyes, enjoying the way her warmth seeps into my skin.

"I love you, Camz," she murmurs.

She says it with a hint of a question though, a confirmation even-- like the events of last night at the party, are still hovering like invisible question marks over our heads.

Trust.

A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Maybe trust isn't the word I'm looking for.

Maybe it's Faith-- the complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Lauren's thumb brushes over my cheek slowly; back and forth, erasing my uncertainties with each stroke.

With a slight tug, she pulls me down to her soft lips.

And my body just kinda sighs with relief, like it's trying to make up for all the lost contact, while we were sleeping.

Lauren breathes deeply into the kiss, and I let her inhale all the doubt and insecurity that woke me at the break of dawn this morning.

No, it's not Trust, and it's not Faith either.

Maybe it's Fate-- the development of events, beyond a person's control.

Because what I feel about Lauren, is beyond my control.

And I know that somehow, I need to stop looking for ways of fighting it, of letting my doubts slip between the cracks, and get the best of me.

Because this love, it's clearly beyond my control.

So with my eyes still closed, I smile against her lips, and I will myself to let go.

And I say, "I love you too, Lo."

//

A/N: I know, I know; it's short, plus we got a little deep there. But we needed a bit of a serious segue to see a little peek into C's rationalizations, and go from smut, back to the fun to come in the main storyline. 😏

So I know it's been forever; just going through a ton of big life changes lately, so I haven't had much energy to dedicate to writing. But I'm trying, I promise!

- Ky 😘

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