Keep Me Where The Light Is (Camren)

Ch 20

[To Listen To: 'Muscle Memory (Acoustic)', by Lights]

//

And through all the laughter, and the shrieking, and the battle for control of the spurting shower head, I forget all about my nerves from before.

Because tonight, I get to go to an award show with someone I care deeply about.

I get to go with someone who loves me-- all of me.

//

She takes a sip out of her water bottle, and avoids my gaze.

I sought Camila out tonight, because there's something I need to tell her.

But now that I've found her, and now that I'm here, my confidence takes a bit of a dip.

She looks beautiful tonight; but the way she keeps fiddling with the beaded lace of her white, two-piece dress, makes her seem as every bit uncomfortable as I feel.

The top half of her outfit cuts in to loop around her neck, making the stiffness in her shoulders, seem more pronounced.

My eyes keep catching on the flowing mesh that carries on from the bottom of her skirt; and it reminds me of a starlit sky.  

We're backstage in one the holding rooms and when the only other person besides us leaves, the awkwardness between us, starts to really settle in.

So far, we've gone as far as acknowledging each other's presence, and even saying 'hi' with tiny, tight-lipped smiles.

It's interesting, how when you don't get the chance to see someone everyday, you notice just how much they've changed.

But then again, it's either they've changed, or maybe the details you used to remember so well, have become just a little bit blurry with time.

I guess it's been almost a year at this point; and even though I've seen her a few times since then, it's not the same as standing in an empty room, with only our shared memories for company.

I take a deep breath, and try to bridge the gap, "I...I saw that video you posted last week. It's an original, right? One of your own songs?"

She looks up at me, surprised. "Um, yeah, I've been doing a lot of writing lately..."

Camila trails off for a few seconds, then adds, "Sh-- Shawn says I don't even need any of his lessons anymore, y'know, because..."

Her sentence hangs again, and instead of finishing it, she just shrugs, and takes another sip of water.

I register the little blip in my heartbeat at the mention of his name.

Just an old reflex, I guess.

Running a hand through my hair, I clear my throat, and try another pass at small talk.

It's weird-- really weird, feeling so unsure about what I should talk about with Camila.

"So," I say, trying to steady my voice. "I saw Stella on the red carpet tonight. Things going well with you guys?"

I don't know why I asked the question, it's hard not to miss the tabloid photos of Camila being spotted all over town with various beautiful people.

I guess I'm just grasping at details from the last time we ran into each other.

Camila's brows furrow, and she narrows one eye, sticking her tongue out a little as she murmurs, "Stella...right..."

She looks like she's trying to connect the name to a face, and it makes me wonder whether she's really dated that many people, that she'd forget their actual names.