Okay, they already know I don't want to share but I kinda feel bad for not doing so because everyone else was kinda forced. This is the first time in a long time that I'll be talking aloud with more then one person.
"Do you feel comfortable sharing?" Kevin asked me.
I nodded in response and Scott handed me a bottled water.
"Take a deep breath and think about what to say. If your throat feels dry, feel free to drink that, okay?" He whispered.
I smiled at him and I did what he said.
"I-I ne-never really ha-ad par-parents growing up. My uncle to-told me that th-ey gave me up because I w-as a mis-mistake," I started. "So I gr-grew up living with him an-d the smell of drugs and beer. I ne-ver had a room and I always sl-ept on the couch, a ch-chair, or the floor. I never had full me-meals, it was always th-the left overs that my uncle had in hi-his fridge. I'm sorry I'm st-stut-stuttering. It's been awh-awhile since I've spo-ke this mu-much."
"It's okay, just breathe and pretend you're talking to your best friend or talking alone. Don't think we're here." Kirstie told me.
Once again, I took a deep breath and started again, trying to focus on not stuttering.
"As I was say-saying, my uncle never had that much food. If we ever ran out, he would tell me to lock myself in my closet until he says so. He usually gets his food ordered and I guess he never wanted anyone to know that I'm l-living with him. He started to stop doing that once I was in first grade. Instead of coming home to him being a drunk mess, I would always hear him and some random girl doing it. I thought it was normal so I never asked him. Life was easier until third grade. My uncle was the same, it was just what happened in school. This guy named Gabe started to tease me every chance he saw me. Gabe was held back two times so when he's supposed in fifth, he's stuck with me. I was in his class with him until sixth grade when something happened, but I'll get to that soon.
"In fifth grade, he started physically bullying instead of verbally. He would corner me with his friends and start attacking me. My uncle never cared when I came home bruised up. He would always tell me to look decent because he has another girl coming over. I was in pain but I never showed it because I was afraid of looking weak. I never meant to show weakness since the first attack, I always hid it so those guys wouldn't get me again. It never worked.
"In sixth grade, I got my first bad grade in math because of Gabe. Gabe kept trying to get me annoyed which didn't work. So when I was finished, he changed most of the answers on my test. Anyway, I was called out on because I was the only one who didn't get a good score. That teacher never really processed that people get things wrong so he took me out in the hall and started yelling at me. I got sick of everything happening to me so I just walked away. The teacher grabbed me and said something that really struck a nerve so I yelled at him right before the bell rang. That's when I made a run for it. When I was almost out the door, I ran into Gabe and his buddies. Before I could do anything, they dragged me to the bathroom and stuck my head in the toilet and flushing it. I thought I would die right there but they let me go before I lost my breath. I then ran out of the school and away from my uncle's.
"For three years, I've lived on the street near the McDonald's that Avi works in. Before he worked there, I was in his place, trying to pay for food and water. The boss got sick of me not communicating with anyone so he fired me. Later that day, Gabe and his friends saw me and dragged me deep in my old home, which was an alleyway, and beat me until I pasted out. My friend, Ben, saw me and took me to the hospital before I lost more blood. I was asleep in the hospital for two days. Ben told me that I was going to live with him in his home three weeks ago so now it goes to here." That was too much talking.
"I'm sorry if this is triggering, but what caused you to not talk anymore?" Kevin asked.
"I just felt that if I ever talked again, I would end up alone. Talking caused me on the streets and I never really forgave myself for ever saying anything. That's why I speak only a little bit to make sure I won't say anything wrong to make people leave me." I answered.
"Sorry for the hard life. We had parents while you had a drunk uncle who had it with any girl he saw. Did you ever feel love?" Avi said.
"I only experienced family love from Ben which in grateful for. I feel like Ben was the only person who never hated me. He always saw me as his son. Especially after what he's gone through."
"That's nice of him. And, we're sorry for forcing you to speak. We know you had a hard time but you did it for us and maybe yourself. Are you gonna speak more after this?" Kirstie asked me.
I wasn't really sure so I just shrugged. I felt proud of myself for speaking and I think that will be the last time I'll speak that much.
Good job, silent one. You said most of the things that happened in your life. There's just a few details you left out. Why?
"I don't want to share them. It's too personal."
It's not that bad.
"I'm sure that if they knew Gabe almost räpêd me, they would probably be over-protective. I don't want them to focus too much on that."
Why didn't you tell them about the thing that happened when you were nine?
"It's too much for me to say. If they knew that I almost took my life away, they wouldn't let me be. I don't want that."
They could help you though.
"I know, but they have too much on their minds to worry about me. If I need their help, I'll ask. But for now, it'll only be you and me that knows, okay?"
Okay, but just two more things I need to tell you that you never knew.
"What?"
Your uncle lied about your parents leaving you. They were murdered when you were six months. Your uncle took you in because he was the only person your parents really trusted. He was always drunk and mean to you because every time he looked at you, he would see his younger brother and his beautiful wife in you and he tried not getting too close, worried that you'll leave him. He blamed himself for losing you and he's searching for you right now actually. Ben knows this and that's why he's taking you in. He wants you to stay in one place so when he calls your uncle when he finds his number, he'll tell him that you're with him and he can try to get him back. I should've told you sooner but you were just caught up in the most important moments of your life that I couldn't ruin it. I'm sorry.
"It's fine. I'm glad you told me know instead of waiting."
"Mitch, you wanna sleep? We're going back to sleep and we just wanted to know if you're tired." Scott said.
I nodded and we all stood up and went back to where we were in the beginning of the night, Scott hugging me tighter then before.
