In Drummer Heaven

Murder Scenes and Canadian Geese

We all sit in a big office room with a huge table with like fifteen chairs around us. I mean there is only five of us in this room, Rosie, Jadie, Dani, myself, and a journalist. We're doing this interview about us because much like in Canada, most places in Europe don't know all that much about us.

"Okay loves, for starters when are your birthdays?" The journalist asks.

"January 2nd of '64." Rosie answers.

"March 8th of '64." Jade answers.

"Christmas Eve of '64." Dani says.

"December 13th of '64." I say then something hits me. "I'm not the baby anymore!" I laugh.

"So three of you have been together for going on eight years?" She asks. "That would've made you about sixteen."

"Yeah. Rose, Darcy, and I got into LA on the same day at the same bus terminal by complete chance." Jadie explains. "We all moved in together and lied about our ages to get jobs then eventually got our GED."

"What was it like living together?"

"I was team mom." Rose says. "I'd make sure we were on time or anything else like that...wait, I am still team mom!"

"Well it freaked me out the first time Darc dyed her hair." Jade admits. "Because Darcy's hair is naturally red just not that red. So I was an idiot and walked into our bathroom before she cleaned it but which she was going to do because she's really good about that but our bathroom looked like a fucking murder scene. Like Saw or Texas Chainsaw Massacre had nothing on our bathroom and it didn't hit me that it was just hair dye and I was a scared sixteen year old so I called nine one one."

"You fainted too if I remember correctly." I add.

"I completely fainted." She agrees.

"The paramedics laughed at us." Rose finishes.

"I wish I was with you guys when this happened." Dani laughs.

"What's been the highlight of your international tour this far?" Is asked.

"Dani and Darcy getting chased by a Canadian Goose." Rosie laughs making the rest of us laugh.

"I beg your pardon?" The journalist asks.

"Okay so we were in this park and I heard this god awful noise--I'm sorry Canada, that's your bird and all--but I looked around saying 'what the fuck is that'. Then I saw one and I wanted to get closer to it." I explain. "I am an overgrown child so every time the goose honked or whatever that noise that it makes is I had to do my best and mimic it."

"They I joined in so the pair of us are following this goose around hooking at it but I guess we got too close to the nest or something because it started to charge us." Dani continues.

"You got charged by a goose?" She asks.

"We got charge by a goose." I agree. "Rosie and Jadie just laughed at us."

"Dani just got married, Darcy is going  to get married, Rose and Jade, any relationships on the radar?"

"Rose knocked boots with my cousin after my wedding if that counts for anything." Dani says.

"Did you end up knocking boots with Michael?" Jadie asks.

"Yeah." The singer admits.

"What is knocking boots?" The journalist asks.

"Having sex." Jade adds. "I don't know where it comes from exactly, we're all from the south so maybe there. I don't know."

"The rumours say that Dani who is married in the band's whore but during your first month or so of tour and before that you were seen with both Bret Michaels of Poison and your now Fiancé Tommy Lee of Mötley Crüe. Darcy care to enlighten us?"

"Well I was dating Tommy before our band got signed but when we got signed we had to break up at which point I started to date Bret. I was never cheating on Tommy." I explain.

"And now you're back with Tommy, what happened there?"

"The threat of loosing two bands in one meeting." Jadie intercepts.

"It's true, we spent months watching Tommy and Darcy going through so much pain because they could be with the person that they loved. Crüe and our band is extremely close where we're almost like a family." Dani explains. "Nikki and I originally came up with the idea to confront our manager during the meeting between him, Tommy, and Darcy but Jadie brought up the fact that they were in fact together before they got signed so our manger couldn't keep them apart."

"And now they're living happily ever after." Rose laughs.

"I'd just like to thank you for your time and enjoy yourself in Ireland and enjoy the rest of your tour." The journalist says and cuts her recording.

I hope we don't get in too much trouble for talking about sex and swearing in this magazine.