In Drummer Heaven

Insults Between Friends

"Darcy!!" Is yelled as step out of the elevator.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I yell back and drop my suitcase (earning glares from the majority of the hotel employees).

Nikki and Dani run up to me as I pick up my suitcase again. We're heading to Las Vegas, we have a concert tonight but we have a talk show when we get to Vegas. It's the first talk show our band has ever done so that should be exciting.

"CC said you and Bret broke up last night." Dani starts. "Are you okay? Like do you need to talk?"

"Like we're here for you." Nikki says and I smiles.

"Thanks guys but I'm fine with it." I say as we walk out to the rider. "Bret's an asshole, I just wish I realized it sooner."

"You're over him? Just like that?" Dani asks. "If CC and I broke up...I'd a wreck."

"Just like that, D." I state.

"Who'd you get under to get over him?" Nikki wonders and I shove him.

"No one." I lie but I don't think he realizes.

We walk onto the bus and I walk back and put my suitcase on my bunk. I walk back out and sit at the table. Nikki sits beside me and squishes me into the wall.

"Nikki." I whine and he laughs.

"Darcy." He mocks as Dani and Tommy sit across from us.

"Poker?" Dani asks.

"Yeah." Nikki and I say in unison and Tommy laughs.

"Good morning, asshole." I tell Tommy and he smiles.

"Morning, other drummer." He says and I laugh.

"Hey! T-Bone and Darc are talking to each other without fighting." Dani says and she shuffles cards. "Tom, you playing?"

"Yeah." He answers.

"Oh shit! Why aren't you guys fighting?" Nikki wonders.

"Would you rather me fight with the trouser snake?" I ask the bass player and Tommy laughs.

"Ouch, ba--DARC!" The drummer says loudly then starts coughing.

"You okay?" Nikki wonders.

"I just had a stroke." Tommy chokes out.

"Okay, just checking." Nikki says and looks at his cards.

We play cards for a while and Nikki will wrap his arm around me to try to get a look at my cards which makes me elbow him in the ribs as hard as I can.

We get to Vegas and go straight to the tv studio. The girls get sent to make up while Vince and Nikki go try to pick up the studio hands while Mick laughs at them getting shot down and Tommy goes to look for hairspray. Jade and Rosie both elbow me.

"So you and Bret are done?" Jadie asks.

"That sure spread like wildfire." I say with a laugh as I fix my hair.

"I never liked him." Rose states as she puts on lipstick.

"As you should, he's an asshole." I say.

We get called over by one of the stage hands and he starts to explain everything to us. But I wasn't really paying all that much attention.

"---more than anything we want this to be real. So swear and screw with each other, we can edit it out later." He explains. "And that's about it, we'll get you miked and the show will start."

Micro phones get clipped to us and we're walked out to the main stage. There's a couch for each band Crüe crowds onto one while our band crowds onto the other. Dani and I sit beside each other and instantly start elbowing each other. Rose sighs.

"I'm not having the two of you act like complete idiots the entire interview. Darc move to the other end of the couch." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Yes, mother." I mock and sit on the end of the couch.

I am now sitting beside Jadie and Nikki (who sits on the end of the other couch). He hits the back of my head.

"Hey, man whore." I say and he grins.

"Nice you see you again, Red." Nikki says.

"Not like we were just playing poker or anything." I laugh.

"Nah." He smiles.

"We're recording in five, four, three, two..."

"I am here with the almost legendary Mötley Crüe and this new band who is friends with the Crüe and touring with them this summer, Kristallnacht." The host says. "And let me just say, if Kristallnacht plays as hot as they look they're gonna be as legendary as Crüe. Tommy, Nikki, Mick, Vince welcome to the show and would you care to introduce us to you're lovely lady friends?"

"Well that mean little red head is Darcy Killinbeck, the one with black hair that covers her face is Jade Morrison, the blonde is Rose Nixon, and the brunette at the end is Dani Bradley. The drummer, guitarist, singer, and bassist." Vince explains.

"Okay Crüe, we've had you on the show before we have to get to know your friends." The most says.

"You'll have fun with that." Nikki say.

"So for starters how old are all of you and how long have you been together?" He wonders.

"We're all in our twenty third year, just Darcy and Dani haven't had their birthdays yet." Rose explains. "And Darcy, Jadie, and I have been together for seven years but Dani just joined us earlier this year."

"So my question is, how did a bunch of sixteen year olds meet?" He wonders. "Did you grow up together?"

"Not even close, I mean I'm from Jacksonville, Florida." Jadie says. "Rosie is from Texarkana, Texas. Darcy is from Cameron, North Carolina but grew up in Queens and Chicago. Dani is from Alabama."

"So how did you all meet?"

"A LA bus terminal." I explain. "It was almost fate, I mean Ro, Jade, and my bus all came in the same day."

"Well how did you guys decide on becoming a band?"

"We're all pretty stupid because we all moved in with each other at sixteen after knowing each other all of ten minutes. Then we watched Grease." Rose starts. "We all went hard core in singing and we harmonized pretty well together then it came out that we could all play instruments and that's how that happened."

"For a band you're all pretty nice to each other."

"It's because Darcy and I are on opposite ends of the couch." Dani speaks up.

"I saw you guys move just before the cameras started to roll." The host laughs. "Can we get a taste of how you talk to each other?"

"Darcy dearest is what it would look like if Joan Jett fucked Animal from The Muppets." Dani starts. "Darc, look at your fucking bright red hair. You're a fucking Muppet reject, hate to break it to you." I laugh my fucking ass off.

"Jade is a Gremlin that got wet and was fed after midnight." I say. "You're a creepy mother fucker, Jadie." She starts to laugh.

"Ro is a suburban soccer mom." Jade says. "Her name should be fucking Karen or something." Then she starts to mock in a shrill girly voice. "Darcy eat your vegetables or you'll die, Dani don't pull Darcy's hair. Fuck, everyone calls Tommy and Nikki terror twins, wait until you meet fucking Dani and Darcy." Rose is like dying over there.

"Dani is fucking CC Deville, that's insult enough." Rose jokes and Dani is laughing harder than any of us.

"Ouch, bitch." The bass player laughs.

What's insults between friends? Normal to us.