Trouble Fox

Aunt Marge's not-so-tragic not-really demise

If there was one thing Brittany hated about summer holidays, it was her relatives. And of course, the most hated not-really relative Aunt Marge was visiting. The Dursley's informed the twins at breakfast.
"I have to go pick up Marge from the station, are you coming Dudley?"
Uncle Vernon asked. Dudley replied with a bored "no" while Harry looked surprised.
"She's not coming here?"
He said in an outburst. Brittany looked up in surprise.
"Harry."
She said warningly.
"Oh, yes, she's coming here, and you'll behave yourself. No of this... silly business."
Uncle Vernon waved his hand at Harry and Brittany.
"We've told Marge that you go to St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys."
Harry looked like he could kill someone. Brittany almost burst out laughing. Instead, she snorted and looked out the window trying to hide her smile.
"Don't laugh, we've told her you go to Madam Emiline's Academy of Manners for Troublesome Girls."
Aunt Petunia snapped. Brittany stopped laughing immediately. Aunt Marge would just love hearing that. She hated Harry, and he was her usual target, but there were times when Harry was stuck in a tree or something that caused Marge to round on her. There was the time she yelled at her because her skirt hadn't been past her knees when she was six, Dudley's birthday party when she was going to sit out everything but Aunt Marge made her play the games because it was impolite to sit out and then immediately told her it was un-lady like to play those sorts of games, and of course she couldn't forget the time she had pointed out that the scar crossing her face would never make her look attractive to any boys, so there was no getting rid of her early. Brittany always rolled her eyes when she said this, considering Aunt Marge wasn't exactly beautiful either. As Uncle Vernon walked to the door, Harry followed him. He motioned for Brittany to come too.
"I'm not bringing you."
Uncle Vernon snapped.
"Like I'd want to come. No, I wanted to ask you if you could sign a paper for me and Brittany. Third years at Hog- our school are allowed to visit the village sometimes, but need permission."
Vernon glared at him.
"Why would I do that?"
Harry responded,
"It'll be hard work pretending I go to St. What'sit's..."
"St. Brutus' Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys!"
Vernon yelled, but there was panic in his eyes.
"Exactly. And I can hardly remember Madam Emily's Manners Academy for girls, can I? It just takes so much effort to do a proper curtsey."
Brittany added. Vernon didn't correct her this time, but did shoot her a loathsome glare.
"Fine, fine. If you to behave yourselves, I will sign your permission form. Only if you behave yourselves."
Uncle Vernon glared at the pair and walked out the door. As it shut behind him, Brittany said to Harry,
"It can't be that bad, can it, incurably criminal boy?"
She smiled broadly. Harry shook his head.
"Maybe not for you, troublesome girl."
Brittany laughed and walked away towards the steps to the cellar.

~*~*~*~

Aunt Marge was a total nightmare. But today was the last day she would be here, so nothing terrible could go wrong. Could it? No. It couldn't. Dinner was over, and Aunt Marge was tormenting Harry now. Brittany, since her cover story was going to a school of manners, was clearing away dishes. She could just hear bits of the conversation.
"What was it the boy's father did, Petunia?"
Harry seemed to have a blank look on his face. He was probably trying to ignore Marge. Brittany turned on the sink loudly so she wouldn't hear her talking about this subject. She made it her personal goal to wash dishes as loud as possible. Suddenly, Harry had jumped up and yelled,
"They didn't die in a car crash!"
Brittany dropped the plate she was holding.
"They died in a car crash, you nasty little liar, and left you and your clumsy sister to burden their hardworking relatives!"
Aunt Marge swelled with fury. Except, she was actually swelling. Like a balloon.
"Harry!"
Brittany dashed over to him as Marge floated up to the ceiling and bounced around.
"Harry what have you done?"
Brittany whispered hurriedly as Marge and Vernon yelled. Harry was going to the cupboard under the stairs and Brittany was following him.
"Harry, please, you can't be thinking of-"
The cupboard door burst open and Harry grabbed his trunk.
"Yes, you are. Well, I'll go get my drawing materials. Luckily, Hermione's watching my cat for me again this year."
Brittany said and turned on her heels. Marge was floating towards the door now. Brittany slipped down the stairs and gathered her belongings. She raced back up and shoved them into her trunk. Harry clunked down the stairs moments later.
"Ready?"
He asked.
"Ready."
She answered.
"YOU BRING HER BACK THIS INSTANT!"
Vernon bellowed and rushed at Harry. Harry took his wand out and shook his head.
"I've had enough. I'm gone."
He turned and left. Brittany looked back apologetically and whisked her trunk out with him.