Here to Stay » Punk Austin Mahone

Chapter 21

(Austin's POV)

What? I don't think I heard him correctly. He could have possible said, "bad news." Right? Mickenna's going to be okay. I need her to be. I really hope that he is mistaken. I can't possibly think what my life would be like without her. The worst case scenarios are popping into my head, and I am trying my hardest to block them. I have to think positive. For Mickenna. I can't just give up on her so easily. I need to be here for her every second of the day. I need to believe in her. And if I'm going to commit, she can't give up so easily. I know she won't. She's my little fighter, and I know she is going to fight this. Whatever this is. I am interrupted from my thoughts when the doctor clears his throat.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I ask

"I'm sorry Mr. Mahone. Mickenna isn't doing as well as we had hoped."

My heart that was once happy and full, is now shattered into a million pieces. And this time, nobody is going to bother to pick the pieces up and put it back together. Mickenna was always there for me. Even through all the shit we've went through I knew she would always be there for me. But now I can't depend on her anymore. She's depending on me. And I always fucked up. Not this time.

"The bullet went very close to her heart. Too close to her heart as a matter of facts." he says

I stare at him blankly, hoping I don't have a complete breakdown in front of him. I blink quickly trying to stop the tears that are threatening to come out. When I don't say anything, he continues,

"She's probably not going to wake up anytime soon. As in, she's in a coma." his sympathetic eyes meet mine and I shake my head

This can't be happening. She can't be in a coma. My eyes unfocused as I stare off into space. Everything is blurry, like the situation I'm in. She has to wake up, she just has to! My chest is aching; almost as if someone took my heart and ripped it apart. My throat constricts and I start heaving for air. The tears I have been holding back can't be held back any longer. My head is buzzing, my eyes are burning, my heart is aching, and I suddenly feel dizzy. My mind drifts off into a dark place in my head that I didn't know existed. I kept seeing people dying. But soon, those people all turned into Mickenna. I'm glad that the doctor started talking again to snap me out of my thoughts.

"Mr. Mahone?"

"Yes." I say lifting my head up

"I am going to leave now. Have a go-" and he stopped himself

He just told me my girlfriend is in a coma, so I can't possibly have a good day. He just nodded his head and left the room. Now it's just me, and my thoughts. My own imagination. It comes in handy once in a while, but sometimes, it is the worst thing ever. The horrid scenes my mind can conjure up really terrifies me.

I sigh and look over at Mickenna.

"You're going to fight okay? You're not going to give up baby." I say to her even though she can't hear me

I take hold of her hand and spend the night in the most uncomfortable chair ever.

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Last night was horrible. I probably look like a complete and utter mess. I didn't get any sleep. If I closed my eyes, I would have flashes of Mickenna dying in my head. So I had my eyes open for the whole night. And what bothered me the most was the Mickenna was motionless. She didn't respond to anything. She is completely unresponsive and that scares me. A lot. To be honest, it feels like it's been months that I haven't talked to Mickenna. But I don't think it's even been a day. My life revolved around her. No. She was my life. No. She IS my life.

My phone is practically blown up with messages and I try to respond to everyone.

From Skylar: How's Mickenna doing? They won't let us come in and see her.  

To Skylar: She's in a coma.

I'd rather type it than say it. I don't think I would be able to bring myself to say that.

I see a message from Alex and wonder if I should text him back. I am really close to not texting him but I think he deserves to know what's going on. My anger towards him has mostly diminished, but that doesn't mean I won't hold this against him. Pictures of him kissing Mickenna make my blood boil. But he is my best friend, so I have to tell him.

Right as I was about to text him, the door opens and a bunch of people come in. Skylar, Leo, Abby, Alex, Robert, and Zach.

I don't know what to say to them. I probably look like a complete mess. They all look like they've gone through war too. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I purse my lips, but nothing is going to stop the tears. It's just to overwhelming.

"Austin don't cry..." Skylar barely whispers

I get up and walk over to them. I open my arms to hug them. We all end up crying.

I look at Alex and try to talk, "I-I'm so sorry Alex. I-" but the words come out wrong

"It's o-okay." he says and pulls me into a hug

I sniffle and wipe my tears away. I don't know what I would do without my friends. They mean so much to me.

"Want to do something Austin?" Zach asks nervously

His eyebrows are furrowed, and by his expression I know he expects me to say no. I sigh and put my head in my hands. I can't leave her here alone! I want to beside her for every minute of the day.

"Abby, Leo, and I will stay here with her. You need to get out of this hospital." Robert says

"I know...." I really do need to get out of this hospital. It feels so much longer than it has been.

"Okay let's go." I say and give Mickenna a kiss on the forehead before I leave

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Why did I leave? I should be with Mickenna right now. I don't want to be anywhere else but with her.

"Austin do you want to have a drink?" Zach asks

"No. I shouldn't be drinking."

"Oh come on, one drink won't hurt." he presses

"Fine." I huff

The girl comes over and fills my glass up. I shouldn't be doing this... When I start drinking I can't stop. I am so stupid...

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It's been who knows how many drinks later when everything starts to get blurry. I see someone walk up to me...it's a girl. She's getting really close. Too close for comfort.

"What are you doing?" my words slurred

She presses herself against me and I try to nudge her away. My vision is clearing up a bit and I see who it is.