Here to Stay » Punk Austin Mahone

Chapter 29

(Austin’s POV)

It’s early in the morning, and I have decided to go visit Mickenna. We haven’t been on good terms lately, but I’m hoping that I can make it up to her. I can’t stand being away from her for so long, so I thought that I’d make plans to go to her house. I’m going to apologize for all the pain that I’ve caused her, and I want her to know that I still love her. 

 

I walk up the front steps to her house, and knock on the door. I’m a bit nervous, and my hands are sweaty. I wipe them on my pants, and rock back and forth on my heels. The door opens, and Mickenna’s mother is smiling as she greets me. 

 

“Austin! How are you?” she asks, and let’s me inside.

“I’m doing well, how are you Ms. Ellison?” I ask.

“I’m doing just fine. Are you here to see Mickenna?”

“Yes, is she upstairs?”

“She’s in her room, you can go up there.” she smiles, and I start going upstairs.

 

I am filled with apprehension and anxiety. How will she react? Will she be happy or angry? I guess I’ll have to find out. I’ve never been so nervous in my life, and I hope she won’t be upset with me. I knock on the closed door, but I don’t hear her voice telling me to go away. I knock again, thinking that she didn’t hear me the first time.

 

“Mickenna, it’s me, Austin. Please open the door.” I beg but the door remains shut.

 

Not wanting to wait any longer, I open the door and walk into her room. There is no sign of Mickenna, and I go to check the bathroom. I open the door and my heart drops. I take in a sharp breath, and my eyes widen.

 

Everything blurs out and the only person I see is Mickenna. I want to scream at the top of my lungs but no sound comes from my mouth. My body crashes onto the floor next to her and I watch in horror as the blood continuously pours out from her wrists. I fall to my knees and bury my head in my hands. My body is shaking with sobs and the air escapes from my lungs. I can’t speak, I can’t move, all I can do is cry. The only person I love in this world is gone. I’m crestfallen and filled with sorrow. My face is streaked with tears and I don’t bother to wipe them away.

 

Mickenna is dead.

 

No emotion I have ever felt is as strong as the one I feel now. It is the feeling of loss and grief, and I don’t think I have ever experienced something worse than this. She was a beautiful girl that made everyone happy and now she’s gone. She’s simply gone. Here one day, and then gone the next. How could I ever let this happen?

 

Tears flow freely down my cheeks and I hold her hand, hoping that this is all a dream. I squeeze her hand as if I can bring the life back into her, but I know it’s no use. She’s long gone, and I can’t do anything about it. How will her mom feel? How will she manage with both her husband and daughter gone? I can’t imagine the pain she will feel. Her only daughter has committed suicide, and she won’t know why. 

 

It feels like the whole world has come crashing down on me all at once and I don't know how to react. Mickenna had my heart and she still does. Here or not, she will always be the only person I will ever love. I can't help but blame myself for this. It was probably because of me that she took her own life. I touch her colorless face and then her full lips. If only I could have kissed her one last time, or heard her voice, or even just see her smile. But it's all memories now. 

But in her hand I see a piece of paper, and I take it out and unfold it. It’s a handwritten letter from her. I wipe my eyes, and start to read.

 

Dear Austin,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. But I just want to let you know that I am so proud of you. You are so successful, and I want you to keep living your dream. But you're going to have to do that without me. Always remember that I love you okay? I have caused nothing but trouble for you, and I apologize. I hope you will remember me and all the memories we’ve shared. Don’t ever doubt that I don’t love you, because I love you more than life itself. I was so lucky to have someone like you in my life, but I think it’s time for someone else to feel your love. I didn’t deserve it, but there’s another girl out there that does. I know we told each other that we're both going to be together forever. I'll be here to stay, but here to stay forever in your heart.

Love,

Mickenna