The Year I Met Ryan (Editing)

Chapter 14: Ryan- Why am I acting like a girl?

CHAPTER 14: RYAN- WHY AM I ACTING LIKE A GIRL?

I was laying down in my bed just staring at the ceiling. The day before last, felt like a dream or like a movie that kept replaying in my head. I didn't know if I had made a mistake. Not the kiss in itself, but taking her by surprise like that. How could I explain that to her? And she ran out. She just ran. She didn't walk, she didn't say bye, she literally just ran out of my room. What does that tell me? I hadn't been able to talk to her about it. But I figured she wasn't ready to. I had planned on going to her house the previous day, but of course my plans didn't go as expected. I got up off my bed and walked down into to the living room where my mom was.

"What are we doing today?" I think that today was the day I would go to her house and talk to her, if I could.

"I don't know about you but I'm going with Cathy to a city nearby to talk to some client about her wedding. Why?"

"I'm just asking." I started to walk away but my mom stopped me.

"Wait!"

I halted and turned around to look at her. "Yeah?" I just knew that she was going to bring up Beth.

"I'm guessing you want to talk to Beth. Did you guys have another fight?"

I rolled my eyes at my mom. "No, mom." I just kissed her and then she ran away from me. Before she had another chance to say anything I said, "Well I'm going to my room."

I walked away and went back to my room. My plan was just to drive over to her house and knock on the door. When she answered I would barge in and demand to talk to her. But sweetly of course. Sweetly. I wasn't barbaric. But how would I get in? She wouldn't answer the door for me. And I needed to talk to her privately but if her dad was there then I would just go back another day. See perfect plan. Except I still needed to find a way that I would be able to see her without knowing that I was going over. I walked downstairs to where my mom was.

"Mm mom?"

She looked over at me and peered at me through her reading glasses. "Yes?"

"I need to talk to Beth. I was hoping you could talk to Mrs. Diaz and find a way that I would be able to talk to Beth."

The corners of my moms mouth turned upward into a smile. "Sure," she told me, a little too mischievous for my liking. I walked over to the kitchen while she made her phone call. I opened the refrigerator looking for something to eat. I grabbed some eggs and some mayonnaise and from the cabinet I grabbed some bread. An egg sandwich would have to do for now. I made my food and devoured it. I looked down at my watch and noticed it was exactly ten o'clock. I was sure Bethany wouldn't be awake at this time. I had gotten to know her well enough that she can sleep until pretty late. She's not a morning person. I would have to wait a while before going over.

The doorbell rang and I half jogged over to the door hoping that it would Beth. But it was her mother.

"Hi Mrs. Diaz," I told her with a smile, "come on in."

"Please. It's Cathy. You make me feel so old."

She scrunched her face just like Beth always did and it made me smile at the thought of it.

She walked over to the living room to join my mom. I wasn't sure if they had already talked about me going over to visit Beth. I wasn't even sure of what I was going to tell her. I didn't really have anything planned. I was just going to have to wing it.

"Ryan why are you pacing?"

I was pacing? I stopped and noticed that I was across from where I was a moment before. I guess I was actually nervous about talking to Beth. "Uh no reason, habit." I walked away from my mom before she was able to point out that I've never paced before - that it wasn't a habit of mine.

I walked up my stairs, into my room, and sat down on my bed while letting out an exasperated sigh. I ran my hands through my hair and left them there, bringing down my elbows to rest on my thighs. I knew both my mom and Beth's mom were still downstairs and I needed to be alone right now.

"Ryan?"

My door slightly opened and I looked up to see Mrs. Diaz.

"Call me when you get to the house. I left my number on the counter. And my husband will be leaving soon, so you'll be able to talk to her." She gave me a little wave and closed my door to how it was before.

To say I was conflicted and frustrated would be an understatement. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to go over anymore. Maybe I could ask her to come here. That would be the same thing though. I knew she still didn't want to talk about it but we still had our project to do and beside that, I didn't want things to be awkward with her. I had no idea what to do. Girls were supposed to be the ones that always overthink everything, so I had no idea why I was.

I walked over to my window and looked outside. White flecks were visible. It was beginning to snow. Before long, everything would be covered in a white blanket of snow. That reminded me of Beth. It reminded me of a conversation that we had about how she loves the snow and the rain. I laughed out loud because at that moment I remembered that she had asked me how I was so tan if there was almost never any sun. Vacations, I told her. Vacations. Looking back made me miss her in a way. It was a strange feeling.

I opened my laptop to listen to music. I put it on shuffle while I cleaned my room trying to do something normal before I went over, if I even did. I hadn't decided. I really wanted to see her, if I was being honest to myself. I just didn't know what I would do once I got there, or how she would react. It all came back down to her. But I wasn't sure if it was just my brain trying to make excuses. My mind drifted off into baseball. It at least was able to get my mind off of everything.

After I finished cleaning it was about 11:05. I walked over to my closet to get dressed just in case I did finally decide to go over. Once I got dressed, I walked downstairs into the living room. I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, although my brain wasn't tuning in to the show that was on. I focused for a second, long enough to notice that I had turned it on to SpongeBob SquarePants.

I closed my eyes for a second. I knew I had to man up and make a decision. I had to stop thinking about Beth. I had to do something, anything. Every little thing that I was thinking was conflicting with another thought. Nothing made sense to me anymore. Well a few things did. But I was honestly so confused. I knew that Beth deserved better than what I was doing. And I knew that she deserved an explanation. BUT I also knew that she needed her time, her space, and that I had to respect her and give her what she needed. I just had to think of what was more important right now... giving her the space she needed, or providing her with the explanation that she deserved.

I realized; I had finally made my decision.