Therapy

35

Demi

I wish Sadie could understand that when I get like this, I just need space. No matter how much I say I don't, I do. If I'm with someone when I'm like this, I just hurt their feelings and that's not my intentions at all.

So, I made a bubble bath and soaked in it for an hour and a half straight. Sadie called me crazy, but I deserved it. I shouldn't have freaked out. I shouldn't have skipped a day because it messed up my whole schedule.

I feel better now, though. I'm not angry or sad, nor am I happy, either, but I'm better. I expect Sadie to be relieved when I finally come out, or wrap me in her arms, so that's why I'm surprised when I walk out and she's staring numbly at her phone, unfazed by my presence.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"This got leaked." She mumbled, showing me a picture of my younger self with only a bra on and Hanna licking my stomach. Yikes.

"Those pictures got leaked years ago, babe." Maybe if I call her a pet name she won't be as angry.

Fuck me in the ass. Of course that picture would resurrect from the dead on this day. Of all days, this day.

"Then why is this one blowing up everywhere? Today?" She asked, just gaping at the picture.

"I don't-"

"Oh!" Sadie laughed. Not like her cute laugh. Not her heart melting laugh. But her 'I'm going to cut a bitch' laugh. "It's because Hanna liked it! So that drew so much attention! Nice!"

"She's doing it to get this reaction out of you, Sadie. Just put the phone down and let's go to bed."

"She's grabbing your boob." She said, disgusted. "Look at your face.."

She turned ghostly pale and I'm not sure if she's going to vomit or not. I don't know why she has to stare at that picture till it makes her sick. It happened forever ago. It's over with.

"Why do you keep looking at that? Put it up. It doesn't matter." I sighed.

"Someone else is touching you. Someone else's hands are where mine-"

I stopped her rambling by ripping the phone from her grip. I ignored her yells of protests, and locked myself in the bathroom. I'm done with her freaking out over Hannah- someone who could mean less than the dirt I walk on.

So, I block the person who posted it and then went to her photo album because I know she has screenshots. Indeed she does, so I deleted it. I also deleted it from her recently deleted. You gotta think about everything.

Sadie's back is turned to me as I walk into the room. I know she's fake sleeping, I'm not dumb. But, because I'm a good girlfriend, I walk over to her side of the bed and plug her phone in.

Nights when I'm not feeling like myself, I just want Sadie to wrap me in her arms. It's also pouring rain, which adds to the craving of wanting to cuddle. By the looks of it, it doesn't look like any of that will be happening any time soon.

I don't understand why Sadie has to get so frustrated so easily with me. I know the parking garage thing isn't a big deal, but I have no idea what I would do if something would have happened, especially the one time she didn't call. I do understand why she's upset about the picture with Hanna, but she shouldn't be turning her back against me because of it.

Then again, I see where she's coming from. I'm so fucked up, why would she want to deal with this? I'm like an airport claim- a lot of baggage.

So, there I lay. Staring at the ceiling letting my thoughts consume my brain.