Therapy

51

Sadie

Beeping. As my body gains consciousness, I'm fully aware of the machinery around me making robotic sounds. I'm starting to feel the agonizing burning ache coming from my leg, but that's nothing compared to the shattering of my heart when I realize I dreamt up Demi and I's relationship.

I opened my heavy eyelids and blinked repeatedly until my vision became clear. I turned and saw a nurse fidgeting with a computer, smiling at me.

All the hope I had crushed and broke my heart all over again. I know I imagined Demi, because if I hadn't, she would be right by my side. She wouldn't leave me and she'd make sure she'd be holding my hand as I woke up. But she's not here and she never was... how could I imagine something so amazing?

"Welcome back," the chirpy nurse said, "How do you feel?"

Horrible. Awful. Horrendous. Miserable.

"I want to die," the raspy words came out before I had a chance to think them over. Tears came quick at the realization that what I had said, was true. If I can't live a life without Demi I don't want to live one at all.

I must have gotten my days mixed up in my mind. I probably reopened my wound or some stupid shit to get me wound in the hospital over my leg again.

She frowned, checking my IV and looking me over, "We rarely put any people to sleep when we do skin grafts, but the paramedic and the doctors gave you too much anesthetics. You're going to be in a lot of pain-"

I couldn't listen to her ramble. It's not about the damn burn, it's about my heart. I would bathe in boiling water if it meant I could have Demi back. I should have known she was too good to be true.

"I'm going to sleep." I said, closing my eyes in hopes she'll go away. If she leaves, maybe I can figure out a way to double the medicine seeping into my veins and I will die. I don't want to live another moment.

I want Demi's hand holding mine. I want her body snuggled into my side. I want her soft lips on my bare skin. I want her laugh in my ear. I want her cries on my shoulder. I want her hand running through my hair. I want her, all of her and nothing else.

"You've been sleeping for twelve hours straight, but you can try. How is your leg feeling? We had to put somebody else's skin onto yours because if we took some of yours, you'd be in too much pain. Plus, since you were unconscious we couldn't tell how your body would react."

Now that she says something, it fucking hurts. A skin graft. I'm so glad I wasn't awake for them to pick molten fabric out of my flesh, but i assume it would have been much more painless then losing Demi.

"She's been here a while along with-" I looked over her shoulder into the hallway to see my therapist, Amy, waiting in a chair.

I groan, not wanting to even look at her right now. I don't want to talk about anything to her, let alone my feelings. She's here for a therapy session I want no part of.

"I want to die," I repeat. The more I said it, the heavier my heart got. I just don't want to be alive. I won't be able to cope seeing Demi's face advertised everywhere and hearing her angelic voice on the radio every five minutes.

"I think this is the part where I let her come in here.." she said, gesturing towards Amy, who was now at the doorway.

I think this is the part where I try to bribe her so she'll overdose and kill me, but I refrain because that would for sure buy me a first class ticket to the nuthouse. But so would admitting out loud I'm head over heals in love with someone who was a figment of my imagination.