Crazy,Awkward,Sweet

Skip The Drama, Stick With Mama

"Then there was Ron from the bakery, and he had the cutest ass. But my favorite flavor was Samuel. Oh honey, he was the sweetest one. A true romantic and nothing I ever experienced." Mom sighed dreamily as she recounted each of her conquests from across the pond.

I tried to listen but I had other things on my mind. Or rather, just one thing. Nate fuck face Archer.

"That sounds great mom." I mumbled zoning out.

"Yes isn't it?" She beamed. "He's actually next in line for the British thrown." I heard her mumble out.

"Mhmm, that's awesome." I answered automatically.

Why exactly had I been so stupid? Where the hell do I stand with Archer? Are we friends again?

Did we make that official?

I should just be a shut in, I can't cause utter embarrassment by hiding from human kind. When I get older and ready to move out of mom or dad's place-because living with your parents as an adult is pathetic- I'll just move in with Hans and Laurel. Because lets be honest, those two are the one's who are going to take care of me during my old age.

My thirty's are going to be brutal. I'll have like crows feet and like taxes and shit to pay. I can't even adult--how does one adult? Is there like a test on this shit.

I'm just glad Hans and Laurel are going to take care of me.

Especially since I'll never get married myself. I could crash in their basement, it'll be like a sleepover every night for the rest of our lives. I'll even have their kids call me Aunty Matey. Or the fairy god Matey.

I'll teach them my ways. Little Matey jr, will be better than me....wait. What if little Matey is soo good she'll over throw me from my throne?

I can't have Han's and Laurel's offspring better than I-the orginal. The O.G.

I see my plans may have some flaws. I'll just have to reevaluate and come back bigger and stronger.

"- then I told Lindsay Lohan that popping Molly with Mick Jagger was totally legal in Trinidad." Mom rattled off. I frowned completely confused and turned to her.

"What?"

"Oh so now you're listening." mom rolled her eyes. "Good because you had your thinking face on. It was pretty cute. It went from anger-to wonder-to fear-to wonder again. All this in the span of five minutes." mom laughed lightly.

I narrowed my eyes at her and stuffed a muffin in my mouth. Mom sighed when she saw I wasn't laughing. But I couldn't help it. In the pit of my stomach, I just felt....unsettled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked tilting her head and placing her hand atop mine. I swallowed the banana nut muffin and shook my head.

"It's nothing I can't solve. Remember, we're very resilient women." I smiled through forced lips.

Mom removed her hand and frowned. She knew me better than anyone. Mom knew something was bothering me, but instead of pestering me to open up, she gave me space.

It was how I functioned. She knew that when I was ready, I would come to her. For now though, I just wanted to spend time with my mom. The only person capable of brightening up the room-at least in my eyes.

"Tell me more about the molly popping adventure you had in Trinidad with Lindsay Lohan and Mick Jagger?" I smirked, teasing her about her outrageously false story.

"Oh it was crazy!" she scoffed playing along.

***

"Mom you can't go around throat punching people. This isn't Miami mom, people don't act like that. They actually call the cops." I warned her as we walked out of the mall. Our arms were filled with bags of clothes.