Crazy,Awkward,Sweet

Silent Sirens

"Nate?" I whispered in the silence that consumed us. Nate lifted his head and gazed at me curiously. The moon contoured his features and I would be lying if I said, it wasn't an amazing sight.

After Nate climbed into my room, he asked if we could talk. Now I'm not a freaking romantic, so when he asked to talk, I thought he meant sit down and talk. I had no idea that he meant going to the creek and laying under the stars as we talked about whatever clichéd teenagers talked about.

But it was nice, and I could see myself as the hopeless romantic type.

"Yeah?"

I smiled at him softly, and leaned against his shoulder. We didn't define what we had because we couldn't quite explain it. We definitely weren't just friends. And we weren't in a relationship-per say. What we had was an undefined limbo of emotions.

"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?" I asked, staring off into the big dipper. The air was freezing, but we were bundled up in our warmest clothes. Plus, it helped that we were kind of cuddling. "Do you think that we probably shouldn't be out and about like this? You are still with that thing you call a girlfriend." I scoffed.

"I sense jealousy." he teased me with a light under-tone.

"You're right." I said bluntly, "I am jealous. Sadie is your girlfriend and I'm stuck with you late at night with talks that'll never happen."

"I care about you, something I'll never have with Sadie." he said in an attempt to assure me. But it didn't, not even a little bit.

"Break up with her then. Be with me, because I'm ready for whatever you have to throw at me." I retorted, staring at him intently.

"I can't-"

"Because you're going through something, I know." I grumbled, averting my eyes away from him out of resentment.

"I like you Matey, I really do. One day I'll prove it to you, but isn't this good enough for now?" he asked desperately.

"This just feels wrong okay, and I know my moral compass doesn't point north but I know know this is wrong. I know sneaking behind your girlfriends back is wrong. I don't like this but I don't want to go back to ignoring each other." I ranted, as Nate listened intently.

"Everything we've ever done has been wrong. But I finally feel like we're doing something right." He mumbled, turning his head so that our eyes met. In his deep brown eyes I found nothing more than sincerity.

"I really like this Archer." I admitted, "I like this and I know I shouldn't. But I like being with you without the big hoopla. You know, without the animosity, the jealously, the skanks-"

"Or the Australian." Nate cut in with an edginess to his voice. I rolled my eyes and flicked his nose, chastising him.

"He's literally me, but with a penis." I pointed out, "Dating Ezra would be like dating myself. Do you know how hard it is to date me?"

"I could imagine..." he winked at me suggestively. I raised my eyebrow and stared at him pointedly.

"As I seem to recall, you had the chance but you blatantly turned me down. " I said bluntly, forgetting to sensor myself. Nate's face fell and I immediately felt the guilt seep in. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." I added quickly.

Nate shook his head and frowned at me ruefully, "Don't be sorry. I didn't make it easy for you and I'm sorry. You know we can't date or anything right? We can't...define this. At least not yet." he reminded me again, and even though he meant no harm. It still fucking hurt, and I knew what we had was basically an intense friendship where all we did was walk on legos.