Breaking Free

Gabe(8)

A/N Hello everyone! Look at me back at it again with the writing. And Bailey, God damn it, my chapter wasn't that good, I'm really not that great of a writer it's just something I love to do. (It's Bailey, her chapter was good. She needs to be quiet.)

Oh my God was Matt going to fucking kiss me?!? I thought before a knock on the door interrupted us, rude. A boy about our age came in, he was muscular like Matt.

"Hey. There's some people having a party in their dorm tonight, want to come." He asked, he had a higher voice than I was expecting. And(A/N if Cassandra Clare can start a sentence with and so can I) if I was being completely honest he was very attractive. Matt glanced at me as if he was asking if it was okay. I breathed out a puff of air unsure(A/N I am currently crying because The Light Behind Your Eyes came on Pandora.) of my answer but nodded anyway. He smiled and turned his attention to Whats his name.

"We'll both be there."

"Great." The guy said and winked before turning and leaving.

I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes! I didn't want to be left alone in our small dorm room. Well it's too late now.

"Hey, Gabe?" Matt's voice filled my ears. "You don't have to go."

"I-I Know."

He shook is head and got up, "I'll be back 30 minutes before we have to leave, so around 8:30ish." He grabbed his phone and keys and left. I stared at the closed door for a few minutes feeling a sense of emptiness now that he was gone. Stop, he's not even gay. I thought to myself. I blinked away the tears and got up to get ready, I had and hour before he came back. I walked over to the attached bathroom and stepped in, it was small but at least we didn't have to share a bathroom with our dorm house. I plugged in my straightener to heat it up, you know if I can't be straight my hair can be. I turned on the water faucet and brushed my teeth and washed my face.

I dried off my face and grabbed a bag I stashed under the sink last night. I checked to see if the straightener was hot enough then began parting my hair in sections. I ran the straightener through each section until it was perfectly straight. I opened the bag I placed to the side after putting away the straightener, I took out the stuff to whiten out my face a little. I wasn't going to go overboard on it, just enough to make me look sick. I rubbed it in on my face until it was even and pulled out my eyeliner. I swiped it thickly under my eyes then purposely smudged it with my finger. I rinsed off my hands and put everything away before heading back to our room.

I pulled out an old black MCR shirt, black skinny jeans with rips on the knees and a pair of socks out of my dresser. I quickly changed, it was 8:20 now, I had only 10 minutes left. I looked at myself in the mirror, I never was allowed to dress like this at home. I traded my glasses for contacts and slid on my Twenty One Pilots wrist bands along with other wrist accessories trying to cover up my arms as best I could. I got on my hands and knees and grabbed my combat boots.

Matt walked in as I was putting on my last boot on. "Whoa! Who are you and what have you done with Gabe?" He joked. "What happened to your glasses?" I shrugged and looked down. I heard him laugh and saw him go into the bathroom, probably to get ready himself.

Do I not look okay?!? I thought frantically. Oh well, too late to change now. Matt walked out only a few minutes latter wearing a red button up and a pair of jeans that hung perfectly on his hips.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

"Umm... Y-Yeah." I stuttered getting up and following him out the door.

"Calm down, it's only a party." He said sensing my discomfort. I nodded.

"P-Promise y-you won't ditch me when we get there." I half whispered.

"Of course I won't." He said after a moment.

~~~~~

It turned out 'there' was the dorm house next to ours, the girls dorm to be more specific. There were already a lot of people packed in there, on our way in I saw a guy passed out on the steps. As soon as we stepped in drinks were shoved at us, Matt gulped his down without a second thought as I smelled it suspiciously, it was beer. It didn't take long for Matt to be pushed away from me by the crowd. Great, I walked to the back of the room, dodging other people, I stood there and looked down at my drink again.

I took a tiny sip. EW! It tasted disgusting, I spit it back out and placed the cup on the table beside me. The music was blaring some pop song I couldn't be bothered to learn the name of, I looked out and saw Matt in the crowd dancing with another cup in his hands.

I looked at him for about 30 or so minutes until I lost him. People were starting to push against me and I was getting really uncomfortable. I can't believe Matt left me! Maybe I should go look for him, yeah that seemed like a smart idea. I weaved my way through the crowed and stopped at the first door in the hall, I turned the door knob to find it unlocked.

I opened it and saw Matt sat up on the bed, pants on the ground and his eyes closed. The guy from earlier was on his knees in front of him sucking him off. Matt was making little mewling noises like a small kitten, they didn't notice me as I shut the door and ran. I knew if I didn't get out of there soon that I would break down sobbing. I pushed my way through the mob of people until I was outside and then broke out into a sprint back to our dorm.

I don't know why I was so upset, I just met Matt and know basically nothing about him. I opened the door and slammed it shut. I collapsed on the ground and started crying. I knew I didn't have a chance with him so why was I so worked up? Why would I think he would love me if my own parents didn't? I didn't deserve love, My parents were right. I am going to Hell and I deserve to die. I stopped crying and went into the bathroom, I ripped off the wrist bands on my left arm to reveal white scars. I stopped cutting 2 years ago. Do I really want to do this? I thought as I reached into the medicine cabinet and puled out a razor blade.

It felt like my hands were controlling themselves as I draged the balde across my arm, cutting a little more deeper each time. I stopped when I finally felt better, I cleaned up the blood and bandaged my arm. I threw the blade in the bin and peeled off my shirt. I went into my room feeling empty, I pulled on a long sleeved sweater and swaped my jeans for sweatpants. I curled up in bed and fell asleep.

About 2 am I heard Matt drunkingly stumble in and collapse on his bunk.

A/N So long and goodnight!