Discretion | Josh Dun

27| Impossible Night

☼ Phoebe

I took Josh's warm hand in mine, trying to convince myself that if held onto me it would ease some of the pain. Not only was that largely impossible, but it was torturous wishful thinking. Tears started to well up in my eyes once again as I begged him to stay awake for me and watched him try his best to do so. I didn't deserve him.

No one does.

He was spread vulnerably on the couch, bruised all over from where Jaime and his friends beat him as much as they pleased. "I'm sorry." I choked out from the back of my throat, "I'm so sorry, Josh."

"Sshh" He hushed me, he spreads his hand over my cheek in a comforting manner, bringing me closer to him.  "Please don't cry." His voice sounded so raw after being dormant for such a long time. I missed his voice, but not like this. Not when it was soaked in pain.

I smile weakly a his attempt to comfort me, "I can't help it." I press my face against his hand even more, baby hairs falling carelessly over my eyes. "I hate seeing you like this."

"I hate seeing me like this too." He chuckles lightly, looking down at himself slightly cringing with pain, but trying to make light out of a dark situation nevertheless, "This isn't exactly my most attractive moments."

I breathe out, smiling shyly due to his bad joke. "This isn't the moment to play around Josh."

"You think I don't know that? This is all terribly upsetting." He says gesturing a hand over his bruised, exposed torso, "I really liked that shirt."

"I can't believe you're joking around at a time like this." I say with disbelief.

"You did a sick job at making me look like a mummy though." I looks down to where I amateurly wrapped gauze around his arms

"Oh my god." I laugh, whipping away the rest of the tears that remained in my eyes. The blue headed boy in front of me smiled warmly, almost as if he felt absolutely no pain. I laughed along, as if I never was the cause for it.

"That's more like it." Josh mused, running his thumb gently over my flushed cheeks.

I moved his hand away from my cheek and into my hand trying to make him see that I was trying to be serious, "This is no time to be laughing, Josh, you just got beat up so bad." I tried to remain focused, "I hate that you think this is funny."

Josh's lips faltered as he exhaled, "I rather you hate me than cry over me. It's less painful." He smiled again. "None of this is your fault, Phoebe, so please don't cry."

"It just really hurts to see you in such a terrible shape and I know you're trying to make me laugh to get my mind off of it, but you have no idea what it's like to see laying there all night. It is my fault because I was the reason you got into a fight. You should've never been in that party. Tyler shouldn't have been at that party. I should've never been there either. I shouldn't have ignored you yesterday. I shouldn't have been trying to forget you today. This is all my fault."

He remained silent, watching me carefully to determine if I was finished or not. Soon enough he spoke up again, "You're right; none of us needed to be there. Tonight shouldn't have happened. We all got hurt in one way or the other, but you can't put it all on yourself. You went to the party because Alex let you in on something I should've told you from the beginning. Now, I can't really advocate for Alex's bad timing, but I know I should've been honest with you from the start." He took a deep breath and sat up on white couch he was laying over, "You shouldn't had thrown a tantrum and just left yesterday; you should've at least let me drive you home." He looks at me knowingly, very well aware that he was in the right and I was wrong , "You're very quick to make decisions and act on pure speculation and raw emotion and although it is one of the many things I like about you, you need to stop doing so in such unsuitable situations."

I ignored his remark about liking many things about me, "And you need to start being more honest with me."

"Tell you what: Lets make a deal." He said looking at me adoringly. "I will start being more honest with you, as long as you mellow down with all the hasty decisions. You need to refrain from jumping into conclusions and acting on only gut feeling."

I pretended to think, but I knew well what I was going to say. I knew in a heart beat.

"Deal."

As soon as the words fell out of my lips Josh smiled widely, his eyes squinting at the edges and dimples hollowing his pale cheeks. He lifts his hand back up to my face and pull me closer to where he was sitting up in the couch. His eyes are closed tightly for a second as he presses his forehead to mine. Josh's caramel eyes look into mine and close again as soon as they open. "Fuck" he says right below a whisper, pulling my lips into his.

Despite the many times as I've kissed Josh and the tremendous feelings I've felt when I do so, nothing could possibly compare to the burst of emotions and colours I could feel now. The pink lips I adored were softer than I could possibly remember, pushing against my own with more emotion than I could bare. My mouth parts with a low moan, giving him the opportunity to deepen the kiss by smoothly sliding his tongue into my mouth. The hand that was holding my cheek soon finds it's way onto my waist, ushering me to hop on the couch along with Joshua. I part the kiss briefly as I lift my self from the floor and carefully swing my right leg over Josh's lap so I can straddle him without unintentionally hurting him. He winces slightly from having me rest over him.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this right now." I suggest as I attempt to get off of him and onto the floor again.

"No," He placed a hand on my hip gently, stopping me from getting up again by gripping lightly and looking at me tenderly, "I want to kiss you; more than anything else."

"But if I keep on kissing you I could hurt you" I motion to all the bruises that covered the entire length of his boy.

He pulls me closer, pecking my lips momentarily, "Or fix me instead."

☼