“Himala at pumayag kang maiwan si bagets sa kanila Thomas,” Mika said.
We just finished practice and we’re just cooling down. The bullies except Cienne are in one corner doing our thing.
“Mukha namang harmless yung mga Toress,” I just said.
“Sure ka na ba sa set up niyo? Papahiram mo na si Ty sa kanila pag weekend?” Kim added.
“Oo. Parang tama lang naman yun, hiniwalay ko sa kanila ng apat na taon, kasama naman ako,” I said.
“Ano?!” Mika, Kim and Carol said in unison.
“Sabi ko, kasama naman ako pag weekend. Dun din ako matutulog,” I said.
“Talaga? Kayo na ulit ni Thomas noh?” Carol pried.
“Hindi. Hanggang friends na lang talaga kami nun. Mas okay na na ganito,” I said.
“Gasgas naman na yang friends friends na yan,” Mika said. “Eto ngang si Kim, friends lang daw sila ni Nathan, eh hatid sundo naman.”
“Oh bakit ba? Eh nakakatamad naman talagang magdrive. Okay ngang hinahatid sundo ako nun. Tipid pa sa gas,” Kim defended.
“Deny pa more, Kimmy,” Carol said.
“Kung ayaw niyong maniwala, bahala kayo,” Kim said.
“Naniniwala ka kay Kim?” Mika turned to me.
I thought about it. Siyempre hindi, sinong ulol ang maniniwala na friends lang talaga tong si Kim at Nathan. Hatid sundo nga, at out of the way pa si Kim para kay Nathan ha.
“Siyempre hindi,” I said to Mika.
“Oh parang ganyan din kayo ni Thomas. Deny ka ng deny eh obvious naman. Kung ayaw mo na talaga kay Toress, Ara. Hayaan mo ng mamingwit na ng iba. Hindi yung hinahayaan mong umaasa,” Mika said.
“Wala akong pinapaasa,” I said firmly.
“Siguro hindi mo ginagawa intentionally pero hinahayaan mo,” Mika said.
“Sinabihan ko na kaya siya na hanggang dun na lang ako sa friends,” I said.
“Totoo ba yan?” Carol asked.
“Oo,” I said firmly.
I don’t want to check myself or I may find something I don’t want to accept.
“Sigurado ka?” Kim said.
“Huwag niyo nga akong pinagtatanong ng ganyan. Okay na na ganito kami Thomas. Kung makakita siya ng iba, okay lang basta hindi aapihin ang anak ko. I guess I’ll be happy for him,” I said.
“Talagaaaaa?” the three chorused
“Oo nga. Patunayan ko pa sa inyo,” I proudly said.
“Sige ngaaaaa,” they said.
“Sige ba,” I retorted.
“Paano mo papatunayan?” Carol asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Hanapan ko siya ng jowa,” I said.
The three looked at each other.
“Huwag na nga, baka may masaktan pa diyan sa gagawin mo,” Mika said.
“At sinong masasaktan?” I asked.
“Ikaw!” they chorused.
“Bakit ako masasaktan? Tutulungan ko nga siyang na humanap ng jowa diba. Pag nagkajowa na siya, hindi niyo na ko kukulitin at mapaptunayan ko na sa inyo na naka-move on na ako. So everybody happy na,” I said.
“Sigurado ka ba sa pinagsasabi mo, Victonara?” Mika asked with a stern look.
“O-oo naman,” I said.
“Bahala ka. Magre-ready na lang ako ng tissue at maraming chocolates,” Carol said.
“Ha?” I dumbly asked.
“Walaaaaa,” she said. “Push na yan girl. Para magkadrama naman ang mga ganap nowadays.”
“Ano?” I asked again.
“Hay naku, Ara. Tumayo ka na diyan at nandito na ang mga sundo,” Mika said and pointed at the entrance of the gym. There stands Thomas, Jeron, Gab and Nathan.
“Boys! Akyat muna kayo dun,” Ate Abi pointed at the bleachers when she noticed Thomas and co at the entrance.
On the bleachers sat the other boyfriends and husbands of my other teammates.
“Ganda natin,” Carol said.
“Ewan ko sayo,” Kim said.
“Coach, ayos cheering squad natin eh, all boys,” I heard coach Noel said to Coach Ramil.
“Pagawa kaya tayo ng T-shirt para sa kanila sa Sunday,” Coach Ramil suggested.
“Ako na bahala coach!” Ate Abi said.
“Thank you, Abi. Mag-freshen up na kayo,” Coach Ramil said and so we did.
Pagkatapos magshower, pumunta kami ng mga teamates ko sa boys. Nag-aya mag-dinner ang boys pero yung sasama kami lang ng bullies at ang mga partners kasi yung iba may kaniya-kaniyang lakad. Tinawagan namin si Cienne at AVO pero may prior commitment sila.
“Nasan si Ty?” I asked Thomas when we’re already in his car. The others brought their own cars so no carpooling.
“Nasa MOA sila ni Mommy ngayon, kasami yung girls at si Dad,” Thomas informed.
“Patay,” I blurted out.
“Why?” Thomas asked.
“For sure, ipag-sha-shopping yun ng Mommy mo. Baka kung anong ipabili nun,” I said.
“Ara, it’s okay. Hayaan mo na si Mom pati na si Ty,” Thomas said.
“Thomas, alam mo naman kino-control ko yun. Ayoko sanang pabigyan lahat ng gusto ni Tyrone baka ma-spoil masyado,” I said.
“Relax, don’t worry. Hayaan mo na muna si Mommy, ngayon lang to,” he said.
“Kasi naman eh,” I whined.
“Sinabi ng relax ka na, ako bahala. Pagsasabihan ko si Mommy,” Thomas said.
“Okay fine,” I said. “Ai wait kamusta pala ang therapy session mo with Yanna?”
Thomas, by the way, came from the therapy session with my former PT, Yanna, the one I referred to him.
“Okay naman magaling siya. Maraming words of wisdom. No wonder, na-inspire ka,” he said.
“Medyo. Maganda pa diba?” I said.
Thomas’ forehead creased and took a quick glance at me. “Mas maganda ka,” he said casually.
“Alam ko naman,” I proudly said.
“Good,” Thomas smiled.
“Pero di nga, diba maganda naman yun,” I egged.
“Okay lang naman,” he said.
“Gusto mo reto kita?” I blurted out.
Thomas’ expression soured, “No.”
“Bakit naman? Sabi mo maganda naman. Mabait yun at matalino. Magaling din na PT,” I said.
“Ang sabi ko, ikaw ang maganda,” he retorted.
“Thomas naman eh, iniiba mo ang usapan,” I said. “Isang date lang.”
“Ara, ano ba yang pinagsasabi mo? Ayoko,” he firmly said.
“Eto naman, para naman hindi ka tumandang binata. Nahuhuli ka na oh, si AVO at Jeron may mga asawa na. Si Gab, may Carol na. Pati nga si Kimmy may Nathan na eh,” I said.
“Hindi lang naman ako ah, ikaw din,” he rebutted.
“Eh may Tyrone na ako,” I said.
“Eh may Tyrone din naman ako,” he retorted.
“Thomas naman eh,” I said.
“Ano ba, Ara? he asked with a hint of annoyance.
“Ikaw na nga ang tinutulungan diyan eh. Sungit mo naman,” I said and slumped back to my seat.
“In what way are you helping me?” he asked.
I didn’t reply and just stared out of the window.
“Ara,” he called. “Hey look at me.”
I dramatically turned to him.
“What are you exactly trying to do, Ara?” he asked again.
“Wala. I’m just trying to help you find someone. Para naman maging happy ka or something like that. Sa nakikita ko yan na lang kasi ang kulang sayo. Successful ka na, edi jowa na lang ang kulang. I’m just trying to be your friend,” I said.
His face saddened, “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”
“Thomas, isang date lang naman. Kapag ayaw mo, edi hanap na ulit tayo ng iba,” I said.
“I said no,” he said grumpily.
“Okay.” I said. Nagmamagandang loob lang naman ako. Bahala ka kung ayaw mo.
We arrived at Carol’s restaurant without saying anything after that conversation. When we entered the room everybody was there.
“Oh andito na sila, kumain na tayo,” Carol said when she saw us.
Thomas and I went to their table but we sat far away from each other.
“Anyare sa inyo?” Mika whispered to me.
“Ewan ko diyan,” I replied then crossed my arms in front of my chest.
“Anong ginawa mo, Victonara?” Mika asked.
“Bakit ako?” I retorted.
“Hindi yan basta-basta nagagalit si Thomas sayo, Ara, unless prinovoke mo talaga,” Mika said.
“Wala naman akong ginawa ah. Tutulungan ko pa ngang makahanap ng date,” I murmured.
“Anong ginawa mo??” Mika asked wide eyed.
“Nireto ko dun sa PT ko noon na PT din niya ngayon,” I said.
“Ai grabe ka, Ara. Sarap mong batukan, pa-isa naman diyan,” she said with sarcasm.
“Anong masama sa ginawa ko?” I said.
“Gaga ka talaga. Mahal na mahal ka nung tao pinamimigay mo? Ano sa tingin mo ang mararamdaman niyan? Ganiyan ka na ba ngayon ka insensitive?” Mika said.
Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Mika, “H-ha? H-hindi yan.”
“Hoy anong pinagbubulungan niyo diyan?” Kim noticed us.
“Wala. Yung iba kasi dito hindi marunong makiramdam,” Mika almost chanted. Now everybody’s attention is darted towards Mika and I.
I saw Thomas look at me. He kind of look disappointed and frustrated. I think I may be ashamed of myself after hearing what Mika said.
“Anong ginawa mo?” Carol asked me loud enough for the whole table to hear.
“Gutom na ko, kain na tayo,” I changed the topic. “Yung backribs yung akin ha.”
“Hoy –,” Carol opened her mouth but Gab stopped her. I think her boyfriend noticed the tension.
“Kain na tayo, Babe,” he invited and called the waiter.
After dinner, Thomas and I went to their family house in Taguig, still without talking. When we arrived, the others were already there. My son ran to me with books and crayons in his hands.
“Hey, Babe, how’s your day?” I asked him after I picked him up.
“Lola Jane bought me crayons,” he raised his hands.
“That’s nice, are you trying to color the books?” I asked referring to the coloring book in his other hands.
He nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the cheeks.
“Can I see them?” I asked and he nodded again.
I put Tyrone down and he handed me the coloring book. I opened it and saw some alien pictures from Ben Ten. Obviously it was Tyrone who colored it. It’s still a bit messy.
“Wow, you did great,” I said.
Ty smiled at me and ran to his Daddy behind me. Thomas scooped him up. Tyrone was extra talkative and wanted to show his father his work.
“Babe! Babe! Show daddy,” he told me.
I opened the book and showed it to Thomas who brightly smiled upon seeing his son’s work.
“You did that?” Thomas beamed and Ty nodded.
Grabe magkamukha talaga tong dalawang to.
“Oh hija, anak , nandito na kayo,” Tita came in from the dining.
“Good evening po Tita,” I greeted and gave her a beso. Thomas did the same to his mother. “I hope you won’t mind. I bought things for Tyrone. But don’t worry, all educational.”
“Okay lang po. Thank you po,” I told her then I turned to Tyrone. “Did you say thank you to your Lola?”
He nodded.
“You brought him right, Ara,” Tita commented.
I smiled at her.
“Did you had dinner?” Tita asked.
“Yes, Mom. We already ate. Kayo?” Thomas answered for the two of us.
“Done na rin. Sa mall na rin kasi kami kumain.” Tita informed. “Why don’t you two go up and change into something comfortable.”
“Okay po,” Thomas said and faced me. “Mauna ka na,” he said coldly.
“Okay.” I replied.
Thomas and I were not talking to each other the whole time. Tyrone requested Thomas to sleep with us again, so he did. I pretended that he’s not there as he also did. Good thing Tyrone doesn’t really understand yet that his parents are making him the messenger. He happily delivered our messages to each other.
We were in bed. Tyrone is hugging Thomas as usual but I didn’t join in. Thomas didnt make a move this time, he just let his son embrace him. After a moment, I checked the two and they were already asleep.
I can’t will myself to sleep so I got up from bed to get some fresh air. I went out to go to the veranda. I leaned on the railings and watched the stars in the sky.
I tried to think about what I did earlier and what Mika said.
First thing, my intentions are clear. I really want to help Thomas. From the stories I’ve heard from my friends and the people that we know, he almost did not see anyone after I left. And I really, really want him to have someone who will take care of him.
Now the second thing comes in here. Mika thinks that Thomas is still in love with me. She believes that I could be that someone who will take care of Thomas. I don’t know if she’s telling the truth or she’s just in Thomara ship forever, like everybody else. But as what I have said to Thomas before, all I can offer as of this moment is friendship. Tyrone is the only thing that occupies my focus.
I just don’t see myself with anybody right now, not even with the father of my son. I’m not trying to be hard to get. That’s just how I feel this minute.
The dilemma.
The wind blew and it was cold. I rubbed my arms to feel some heat. I’m just wearing a spaghetti strap top and pajamas.
Then I felt a piece of warm cloth being draped over my shoulders. I looked back and it was Thomas.
“Bakit mo iniwan si Ty? Pag nagising yun, magigising lahat,” I said.
“Don’t worry I took care of it,” he said and stood beside me. “Hindi ka makatulog? Hindi ka ba pagod galing sa practice?”
I shook my head, “Ewan ko ba kung bakit hindi ako makatulog. Thank you.” I was referring to the scarf he draped over me.
He just smiled at me.
There was a comfortable silence for a moment. I turned to look at him and he was staring blankly away.
“Were you serious about what you asked earlier?” he asked out of nowhere.
“About the date with Yanna?” I asked back and he nodded.
He gave me a look that’s as if egging me to say no.
“Yes. Yanna is great girl,” I said and he looked like I failed him. “I honestly want you to have someone who will take care of you. I want you to be happy.”
“Don’t I look happy now?” he retorted.
“Thomas, you know what I mean,” I said.
“I don’t, Ara. I am happy now. You’re here. I have Tyrone. What’s not to be happy about?” he said.
“I’m just trying to help,” I said.
“Why can’t you be the one who will take care of me?” he suddenly said.
I look into his eyes. It wasn’t a question. It was him telling me what he exactly wants.
“Thomas, I can’t,” I said.
My answer almost made him angry but he held it back.
“Why not, Ara?” I can almost feel the hurt in his words.
“I don’t think I am still capable of doing that, Thomas. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been broken and I will never be fixed. I am really sorry, Thomas. I just can’t,” I said.
I turned to him and he was shaking his head sardonically.
“And I don’t want you to lose a chance at love because you keep on waiting for me,” I said.
“Is this what you really want? Will this make you happy? Pushing me away?” he asked with hurt eyes.
“Not like that, it will make me happy because I know you will have a better chance with somebody else,” I reasoned.
He stared into my eyes, trying to read me until finally he heaved out a very heavy sigh.
“Then fine but know that I will only do this because you said it will make you happy,” he said and walked back inside.
Author's Note:
One step forward, two steps back. What do you think???
Guys, the following days medyo magiging busy ako, social responsibilities again. But I will update as soon as I can.
Thank you for the support.
Don't forget to leave a comment and vote.
