I dragged Thomas out of Kuya’s condo. We need no audience in this conversation. I don’t want my brother butting in the conversation I want to have with Thomas.
I picked a restaurant with almost no customers. Thomas ordered for a cup of tea for the both of us. Now Thomas and I are face to face.
“Ara…” Thomas started after the waiter left us.
“No,” I said. “Thomas, can you not push it? Hindi ba talagang friends na lang tayo?”
“I am willing to do anything, Ara,” he said as if hearing nothing from me. His eyes are so determined.
“Thomas, please,” I pleaded.
“Ara, I’ve waited for years for this, to talk to you again and set everything in their right places. I didn’t have the chance before to explain myself and prove myself. Ara one chance, just one…” Thomas retorted.
“I’ve never stopped, Ara. I am just asking if we could be us again. Let’s just try again. I will be more patient, I will be more understanding, whatever you like. We can keep us again if you want,” he fired.
“ Ars, It’s still me, Thom, your Thomas…” Thomas desparately pleaded.
I know this Thomas. This is the panicking Thomas. And this is not the one that I want to talk to. I reached for his hand across the table and clutch them together.
“Thomas, look at me,” I said sternly and he did. “Please, listen.”
I looked straight into his eyes and waited for him to see reason in mine. I held him tight, steadying him in the midst of a storm of emotions.
Slowly, his rigid eyes soften and I know the desperation is slowly oozing out of him. Deep inside, I smiled. I can still calm the ever cool Thomas Torres when he’s in distress.
“I am really sorry, I can’t give the chance that you are asking for…,” I said and sadness is definitely evident in his eyes. He wanted to protest but he stopped himself.
“…because I don’t have it in me anymore, Thomas. I am really serious when I said that Tyrone is my number one and only priority now, si Tyrone na lang talaga ang iniisip ko,” I explained.
“I get it, there is still attraction between the two of us. I can feel it too, Thomas. I am not that dense. Our past is still hovering around us. I can feel bits of us from the past. Sobrang bait, selfless, at gentleman mo pa rin naman sa paningin ko hanggang ngayon. Not to mention, ang gwapo mo pa rin…” I said. I saw him smile when I mentioned the things I like about him.
“Pero hanggang doon na lang talaga ako, Thomas. I really think you’re a great person and I still feel safe when I’m with you but I am really sorry. I couldn’t be the one I was with you anymore,” I said as I watch him close his eyes.
A tear trickled along the side of his face. I reached for his face and wipe the line made by the tear.
“I am still here for you, Thomas, just not the way it used to be,” I said as another batch of tears flow from his closed eyes.
I waited as he silently cries in front of me. His eyes are still closed. My hands are still clutching his. When I thought he isn’t opening his eyes, I gently caressed his face.
“Thomas,” I called gently.
He slowly opened his eyes which are now blood red and tears are still welling up.
“Tyrone and I are still here for you. Ty could still be your son and I can be your friend,” I continued.
He visibly flinched when he heard the word friend. This time he moved his hands on top of mine so he’s clutching my hand now. It came out as a sign of protest to what I just said.
