We Are the Normal Ones: Memoirs of a Fallen Human

Temporary Smiles

I'm sorry for being annoying lately. I feel like I've been apologizing a lot. But I do it so people can stay. I don't want anyone to leave so I will always apologize. I'm afraid that once people see the real me, they won't like me and they will walk away. I can't take it if people did, so I hide away and apologize.
I called you on Sunday because I was so happy for the snow. It was the first time I felt true, genuine happiness and joy and hope in months. And I wanted to call you to tell you that. But the funny thing about snow is that, you're inside looking out at this wonderful sleet of potential memories, these delicate pieces of purpose... To realize you are still trapped. You can't get out to fully engulf in it. That's when you realize, your happiness isn't real or true or lasting. Cuz as soon as all that artistic ice melted away, all hope was lost and you were free to explore again. Because in all honesty you didn't want to leave. That snow was hope because you had a reason to stay in bed and not be judged. That snow was hope because you never had to leave your own throne of insanity. That snow was hope because you could dwell in your sheets and watch tv all day without it being called depression. And now you have no excuse to be sucked up in darkness even though there is nothing but light around you. And I was afraid of the light. The happiness melted as the clouds parted and made way to crown the sun victor over it all..
Whatever the reason that spotted me that temporary smile, I just wanted to call you to tell you that I got a glimpse of the girl I lost. That I felt hope that I was gonna be alright. So that in case you were worried, you didn't have to be. I found the map to rescue the lost girl. And I was gonna bring her home.

But you don't really care...

Do you?