We Are the Normal Ones: Memoirs of a Fallen Human

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I don't want to die by someone else's hands-- in my own home. I know that's insensitive of me considering I don't have a choice in how I die and to the ones who actually died by of the hands of someone else. I thought about maybe if it happened outside of my home, like at a store or at a gas station, it wouldn't be so bad. Life is like playing tag. Constantly running around trying not getting caught in anything that'll take you out of that game. But when you are at base, you're supposed to be safe and no one is allowed to tag you if you're on base. Home base is supposed to be safe yet... They still get tagged. How unfair is that? Robbing ones of their security. Peace of mind. We all deserve a safe place. A place that's completely ours and off-limits to everyone else.

There are so many bad things happening to people all over the world. Imaging God looking down and watching me get murdered is an eery thought. But people are actually dying now. And he sees it all. All the rapes, hit and runs, robberies, kidnapping, divorces, sex trafficking, mass shootings, the war zones, he sees all of that going on. Each moment alive someone is being tortured in a life they never even asked to start in the first place. How can you deal with seeing all of that and not save them? How is it okay that you allowed that person to die of cancer but the ones who survived cancer are "blessed by you"? I don't get it. I really, really don't get it.

Do all the good things that's happening right now compare to the bad? Are there people falling in love? Are there... Marriages, proposals, babies being born, teens getting into college, graduating high school, landing their dream job, being saved from their abhorrent mental state, rescued from being lost at sea for so long, conquering their fears, inventing something quirky that we couldn't believe we ever lived without, curing diseases.. are all of these favorable things occuring at the same time? Are the bad things in life easier to see when its leveled out with the greatest? The atmosphere we breathe is just full of the carbon dioxide gas exhaled from choked out screams from 8 billion souls on this planet. Screams of joy, screams of fear. Screams for help, screams of laughter. We breathe it all in and unhand it back to the heavens in the form of a prayer. And we have to make choices in life. Ones that cause ourselves to release into the sky screams of love or shouts of anguish.

Does this leave you as nonpluss as it does me? Because now tears are filling my eyes, humanistic shadows are materislizing in the corners of my room and I can't sleep.