We Are the Normal Ones: Memoirs of a Fallen Human

Amnesia

My mind kind of runs away from me. Disowns my reality to manufacture it's own. I guess mine hasn't satisfied it.
It starts creating this alter timeline.
One where memories don't exist.
It starts questioning and comparing.
"If I forgot everything, will I still be with my mom?
Would I have this panic that pulsates only when the sound of her laugh and the image of her smile make an appearance in my mind?
Would I still suffer from bipolar disorder?
Without having the reel of my past haunting me every moment my brain cracks?
Will I still be insecure? Or have this daunting fear that everyone will eventually decide I'm worth leaving?
Would this ache in my midst stem from overjoy instead of this poison of grief?"
The timeline starts forming a foundation. Firmly grounding itself in my temple just so it'll be there. Having me wonder, "maybe it won't be so bad if I had amnesia."
Suddenly, counteractions fight back.
"If your mom never left, you wouldn't have that empathy you feel towards the one who are homeless. Because you know what that's like.
If you didn't get sick from stress and anger and from a bug bite, you wouldn't have found out how much a parent's love can heal a lifetime of wounds.
If you never experienced the life of ones bound to chairs, you would have never known to always leave the handicap stall open or that you become invisible to society because no one knows how to treat ones who sit in a wheelchair.
If you never moved back in with your dad, you would have never known stability.
If you never moved away from your adult life, you would have never known Jehovah the way you do now.
If you never developed a mental illness, you would have never opened up a world where nothing is as simple as it seems. Your black and white world was shattered and it now has dimension.
If you never was abused by someone you loved, you would never had known what a trap domestic violence was.
If you never watched someone die, you wouldn't have learned how death still makes no sense.
If you never experience being poor, you wouldn't have developed the need to be there for others.
These are the things you experienced and more, all because your mother left.
But if your mother didn't leave, you wouldn't have grown into the person you are today. You are stronger and softer. You are more gentle and understanding. You now can cope with your emotions and help others find theirs. Your smile was found and it's pretty genuine. You don't have to fake it anymore.. Your happiness or mask your pain. You don't take many things for granted but appreciate even the little things; such as your dad buying you wooden spoons. If those experiences never came to play, my dear lightning girl, you wouldn't be you. And I think you're pretty great. So, don't forget. Don't forget about me. Don't forget about you."