We Are the Normal Ones: Memoirs of a Fallen Human

Toxic Love

Why is it always me?
Why is it always my fault because I'm the one with the mental illness?
Why do I always have to apologize for making you feel one thing when you crushed me into not wanting to exist anymore... yet I have to say sorry to you?
Why am I always wrong?
Is it because I'm the one with the flaw?
It's so easy to put it all on the one with mental illness.
"They're too sensitive"
"They're unstable"
"Their thinking is flawed"
So you feel you never have to apologize for how you made me feel... but because I'm the one with the obvious imperfection, it's always my fault what happens between you and me.
I'm tired.
I don't want to fight you anymore.
But what's so hard about you acknowledging what you did to me? Or acknowledging my feelings?
How can people who say they care about you, be so stinkin selfish?
Me: I'm sorry
Them: I'm so glad you apologized. I knew you just needed time.
Me: I'm sorry?
Them: you're important to me
Me: then why don't you ever apologize to me?
Them: I love you
Me: liar. You love you. You don't care about how I feel, so how in the world can you say you love me?
Them: I love you
Me: no. I, me, me, I love you. You don't love me.
Them: how are things?
Me: not great, I had to go to the hospital but I feel better now and I have this whole new resolve because this last incident really scared me.
Them: wow, you are always trying to kill yourself
Me: I'm sorry? No I'm not...
Them: for as long as I've known you, and that's three years, you've been trying to kill yourself
Me: you ignorant-
Them:
Me: cries
Them:
Me: cries
Them:
Me: dies
Them: