We Are the Normal Ones: Memoirs of a Fallen Human

Caller On Line 1

"I miss him."

"I know it's weird because he's always there but I miss Jehovah."

I never said that outloud before. I don't think that was a thought I had completed subconsciously, let alone verbalize to another person. But I do. I miss Jehovah. And I know it's on my end. Its not like he went anywhere. He never left me.

"I know. I had actually prayed to hi
m the other day saying how I missed this. I said 'I missed be able to talk to you like this'. Because for so long, I couldn't."

When she said that, I knew that's what I missed. I missed the way I could talk to Jehovah. I missed the way our relationship was. I could talk to him about anything and everything, any and everywhere. It was so natural to go to him. When something made me laugh, when something good happened, when something bad happened, when I was going to paint or write a letter to someone who was struggling, I always went to Jehovah.

When my depression hit, I couldn't even open my bible. So, I just hugged it. I couldn't pray to Jehovah, so I wrote him letters. I couldn't study my watchtower, so I watched the broadcast. I couldn't die, so all I did was sleep.

Now that I'm vaguely out of the depression, I am recalling all of the conversations he and I had. The bond we had. All the things we've been through together. All the secrets I told him and the pride he felt in me. I can't help but be upset with myself for not maintaining such a friendship. I feel guilty for letting it slip. When I try to reach out, I change my mind saying I don't deserve to be his friend. I'm the one left him. He was waiting for me to call and I turned off my phone. I had his number memorized. I always will have it memorized. I can never forget it. Even then, I never called.

That text you typed up once and then deleted, is me trying to reconnect with Jehovah. I start to and then I change my mind and toss my phone. I don't trust myself to have such a magnificent, astounding, wondrous, stupendous friend that Jehovah is. I want to get past all of this, though. I do. Because I really miss my friend. I really miss Jehovah.