Until The End

"We're Still Kids At Heart."

Shay's POV

I didn't know how I felt when I found out about Ashley. I never knew how it felt to almost lose someone as special to me as her, but now I guess I do. I couldn't stop thinking about what state Ashley might have been in right now if Alison and Mona never found her.

When I firstly saw her, I didn't believe that I was seeing this. I had to slap myself a few times to confirm that this wasn't a nightmare. This wasn't happening right now.

I'm glad I was there before Lucy. I don't think she could have dealt with everyone all panicked and seeing Ashley like that. So once Lucy had come and things, I decided to leave. There was far too much heat in that house and I just had to get out before I  puked.

I stepped outside and felt a lovely breeze on my boiling skin. I took a deep breath and recapped the day. What even happened? I never knew my life could have something like this happen in it. This will be something I remember for the rest of my life. Not in a good way, but I'll probably tell it to my kids one day if they ask.

But, nothing will change the fact that Ashley attempted suicide. Was I not a good enough friend? Was she taking the earliest ride out of my life? Was she just planning to leave me? Us?

Honestly, I've never been more confused in my life. There was definitely something going on with Ashley, and in all fairness, I don't think she would have wanted Ali to be the one that found her. Well, she's going to have to deal with it. I can't deal with her and Ali constantly being at each other's throats. Ashley's my best friend and Alison... well ... I don't know what we are. But it's enough to send me over the edge. So, I couldn't deal with hearing them screaming at each other all the time, and I don't think they could too. I just don't know what to do.

Ugh, my point is, Ashley's been found, and saved. She just has to suck it up and thank Ali. It wouldn't matter who found her in whatever situation, the only thing that does, is that she's safe. And that she's mature about it.

And, no. I'm not going to let this bully my brain into thinking it's my fault. Because it isn't. It most definitely isn't. The surprising thing is, I used to always be paranoid about things like this, it was always my fault, I was always the problem, I was the wet blanket. But now I've come to terms with the fact that people are stupid. Everyone is at some point. Especially what they do. Like Ashley for example, what she tried to do was the biggest regret she'll ever have. And I'll make sure it is.

I had been just standing still staring at a tree that whole time. Trees are pretty. Every little vine works together with the tree to grow more branches, and the more branches, the stronger. Wow, I needed to grow some branches.

So did Ashley, and I was going to help her.

However, I do have my own problems. Alison. I don't know what we are, where we are, If we are ... . I just don't know. I want us to be...I want us to be a couple. I want us to hold hands in the street. I want to see her in the morning and at night. I wanted to smile when she smiles. Be there for her when she doesn't. I want her, and I want her to feel the same way. But I know she doesn't.

Why would she? She's pretty, popular, talented and confident. I'm quite the opposite. You like people that you have things in common with so that you have things to talk about, and me and Ali don't have much in common. I wish I could read her mind and know what's up with her. I can tell there's more to her than what she comes off as. And I don't care if my friends don't see that, I do. And I want to be the only one. I want to be the only one Alison loves. There's so much more that I don't know about Alison, and that she doesn't know about me. We haven't had the chance to talk about that yet. It's always been Ali complaining about how much of a "bitch" everyone is. Or, it's me crying about college and modelling.