If You Make a Deal With a Shadow...

Chapter 48

"If I could tell you in words how I feel. And if you could stop, I could make you hear. I would tell you about you and I. The story that could live and never die. Ohhh. You and I could be one after all. Our love could be so strong."

- U & I by Jodeci

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Austin's funeral was today and she couldn't bear seeing her best friend laying lifeless in a casket. She wanted to get up and get ready so she could go with Payton but but took her for ever to calm herself. After she did Payton urged her to get ready and finally was able to get her into the back of the car. The church she had been to so many times before seemed to intimidate her. She got up the stairs and stared at the front doors. She wanted to go in. She really did, but Payton and Kasey couldn't even get her to walk through the church doors. All those people would be watching her and she knew she wouldn't be able to take it. Watching a casket close on her best friend and then it being lowered into the ground would crush her. Aubrey felt like a piece of her heart was missing and seeing him in the dirt would only take her soul too. Just thinking about it made her sick to her stomach.

Payton understood, but Junior and Ana insisted on going to the funeral. Cyrus got ahold of Aubrey's shaking body and led her back to the car. She decided that she just couldn't bare going through the heartaches. Cyrus agreed to take her to Austin's apartment because she wanted to go through his things. Aubrey would rather remember Austin how he was than in his previous state. That body in the casket was no longer her best friend. Just a shell.

When she opened the door to his apartment a big gust of air hit her and tears instantly fell down her face. She knew in those few seconds that her best friend was there with her. It only took her a few second to feel sad for herself. She knew she had to get it together for her sake. Austin wouldn't want her like this.

Aubrey eventually shook it off and turned around to close the door behind her. She walked into his kitchen to find something to eat. His fridge was still full so she made a sandwich and sat in the living room for a bit. Of course she was trying to put off going through his things. She just wanted to feel like everything was okay because as soon as she packed all of his things she'd be shocked back into reality. She turned on the TV and watched an episode of Being Mary Jane.

It was the episode where Lisa died and Aubrey shook her head at the irony. Even though it was painful she watched the entire episode till the end. Aubrey continued to replay the scene in her head that had definitely caught her attention. Mary Jane's eulogy at Lisa's funeral.

"So, yesterday I stopped for some coffee and the guy that works at the coffee shop said, 'Good Morning, how are you?' and I said, 'Oh I'm fine. How are you?' because that's what you say when you go to a coffee shop and somebody says 'Hey, how are you.'

But I wasn't fine. I wasn't fine because today I'm burying my oldest friend. I realize that I'm a liar. I'm a big liar. And a good liar. We all are. We're all just pretending we're okay when we're really not.

And you know, it's not even like it's enough for just us to lie... we really expect everyone else to lie too. It's like, we're all afraid that the whole world will come falling down if we're honest with each other all of the time.

I absolutely now believe that the lies we tell each other... that's what killed by friend Lisa. My sister."

- Mary Jane Paul; Season 3, Episode 3: "Sparrow"