unexpected - b.w.s

45. Her fault

(Brad)

"What?" I said down in my phone after the unexpected call. Maggie was still laying on the bench asleep. Fortunately, she didn't wake up, and she didn't notice the amount of blood I had on my blouse. Probably because I tried to hide it, and it wasn't that obvious. But it was hard to hide my pain. It really hurt like a bitch.

"Where are you, I've waited almost twenty minutes?" I heard him say . His voice was distant and low.

"Shit, I forgot. Can I pick it up in an hour or so?"

"Dude you need to get your head out of your ass. You can't, that's the time you need to deliver the fucking shit." He said. I glanced over at her, noticed her eyes fluttered, as if she was waking up.

"I'll be there in ten." I hung up, putting my phone down in my pocket. But I didn't move, my eyes were fixed on her. They way her lips was slightly parted, her eyebrows knitted a bit together, making her look like she was frowning.
Her hair all over her head in a messy manner.

If I knew that innocent face of hers, caused me this much attention away from everything, I wouldn't have spoken to her. I didn't think it would lead to all of this. This mess, where all of my thoughts were about her. I've never thought of anyone like this before. She is different than all of the other girls I've talked to. That's the problem. Other girls I don't really care about them, but her - she's the only thing that is on my mind. As much as I want her not to be, she is.

I stood there wondering if I should wake her up, or just leave. Not just leave, leave for good this time. Yes, I've tried that before, and I couldn't do it. Last time, I ended up drinking myself too drunk, so I couldn't stand straight. I used some of the drugs, I was going to deliver, which ended up in fights, and gun triggering. I almost died because of her. She's the reason I'm so fucked up recently.

Everything would be easier. It would be easier to sleep. To think straight, to deal with anything, my life would be easier.

I noticed she was waking up. She squinted her eyes, because of the sun, looking around her. Then her eyes met mine. I couldn't help but stare into her distracting eyes.

"What are you doing over there?"

Before I knew it, I turned around walking away from her. I didn't care. I wanted not to care anymore. I had to let go. As much as I kept on telling myself she didn't care, she did. I cared about her more than I should.

"Bradley?" She called. Her clear voice, filled with curiousity.

Only she called me that, even though I've told her to just call me Brad, she didn't. None of my friends called me that.

"Where are you going?" She put her small hand on my shoulder, turning me around.

Shit.

I looked down at her. She looked most of all tired. Why did I also have to call her? I could've been all by myself just fine, without her company. It was a stupid mistake. Everything was.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I started instead.

"I can't do this anymore, okay?" My voice came out a little weaker than I meant for it to be.

"What do you mean?" You could clearly hear she was unsure about something, that something was probably me.

"Talking and being with you." I simply said, trying to hide my emotions.

"But what you said earlier-"

I interupted her. "What I said earlier meant nothing. Something happened last night, and I didn't know what else to do, so I called you. Honestly I don't know why I said what I said, I was fucking drunk, and didn't think clearly." I try to explain, but it came angry. To be honest, I was. Right now mostly angry with myself for calling her.

"Why?" Her eyes began to tear up, and her voice was shaky.

"Please don't-"

"Why can't you just tell me how you actually feel," she stopped a second because she was starting to actually cry, silently. "Because how you act towards me, is really confusing."

A tear fell down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it off with her sleeve.

"Right, now it's all my fault. Don't you fucking think this is yours to?" I asked. She didn't answer though. She wiped her eyes off from tears, but they just got replaced by some new ones.

"I haven't slept. I feel sick. Like there's something in my stomach, making me feel like I'm gonna throw up, all the goddamn time I'm talking to you."

"And that's my fault?" She raised her eyebrows, while her voice cracked.

"I'm sick of saying sorry all the time. This is not who I am, a-and yeah... it's your fucking fault."

I turned around walking away for good this time. I kept telling myself that it was a good idea. But something told me, it just leaned into more trouble.