unexpected - b.w.s

65. Old habits

He went back to the person he used to be. The person he described at the beach. The person he said that he wasn't anymore, and he changed. 

He went back to his old habits.

I didn't get why he just changed like that. I wondered if he got payed. Why did he need the money so bad, anyway?

I wish I had said something. I wish it didn't happen. I honestly didn't think about love. The only reason why it hadn't crossed my mind, was because I didn't think he thought about it. I think my mind pushed the thought away, because it was scared, that if I got feelings for him, he wouldn't feel the same. Never feel the same way about me, but he did.

As much as my mind pushed the thought away, I couldn't deny that I had feelings for him too. Maybe a bit too much, but it was too late. That was what I said, but there I was, on my way over to him.

I felt my heart beat fast, as a fear of rejection. I knocked on his door. Maybe it was an excuse to see him. Maybe it was me trying to change his mind, just maybe.

The door opened, revealing Bradley looking to his side. He was wearing a smile, a genuin one, making me wonder what made him smile. He had dimples in his cheeks, and I remembered when he looked at me like that.

But as soon as turned his head ad he saw me, his precious smile faded. It made me feel sick, my heart fell to my stomach. He stared at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Were you just the same person as you always have been?" I asked slowly.

He knitted his eyebrows together. "What are you talking about?" He placed his hand on the doorframe, with the door half open.

"He looked to his side again, but with no smile. "Vanessa, go to your room," he said , and I realised it was her he was smiling at before. I forgot how genuinly caring and sweet he was towards his sister. It was like his attitude changed and his way of acting.

"Van..." he raised his eyebrows looking for a couple of seconds, and then turned to me again. She probably went into her room now.

"You said you changed. You said that you weren't that person anymore." I said, and he clenched his jaw. "Now you just go from bed to bed with different girls, just like you used to."

He stepped out, closing the door right behind him, probably so his sister didn't hear anything. "For me, that's the only solution."

"Why do you have to act so cold?" I asked, my voice was somehow fragile, but I managed to stay calm. I wanted to cry, pour my eyes out for him, and beg him to come back. I missed him so much, it hurt. I could feel it in my body. It was aching for him. The worse thing was that I knew that he used to love me.

I liked him, but at the same time I hated him. I hated the way he always hurt my feelings, the way that he lied to me, and was a comepletely different person around somebody else. He drank, smoked, took drugs, slept with girls. Not somehow I looked beyond that. I knew he wasn't just, what people thought he was. I liked the way he always helped me, and cared. He brought a smile on my lips, but also caused the tears. But I loved him. I knew it was too late, I knew I should've said it before.

"It's better that way." He said, without looking me in the eye. It was like he was ignoring it, trying to look past me.
"It's better to fuck a loads of girls, it's better to drink the pain away, to hit someone or something. It's better to be heartless, because that doesn't hurt."

Now his harsh eyes was staring at me. Not directly at my eyes, not directly at anything, but a distant look on my whole face. "So all of that stuff you said on the beach, about you weren't that person anymore, was bullshit?"

"Call it whatever you want, I've always been like this." He said in an undertone. He let his eyes fall to my body.

"No," I shaked my head. I wouldn't believe it. "You did change."

He placed his hand on the doorknob, opening up the door. "People don't change. People pretend."

He closed it in front of him, and I couldn't see him anymore. I felt hopeless. I felt like everything was hopeless, with no meaning.

I walked away from his house, raising my shoulders, trying to keep warm. I looked at my phone, surprised to see what message I got.

Tyler - Haha, sorry for the confusion, seems like you drank too much;)
We didn't have sex, but I'm here if you want me.