unexpected - b.w.s

67. Fake apathy

(Brad)

I acted like I didn't care. I acted like she was pointless and worthless, but it was fake. Honestly, I knew it was a shitty thing to do, but it was better. Then I didn't let myself think that the feeling was real.

"Can I talk to you?" I suddenly recognised her soft voice. I turned around, looking into Maggie's greene eyes. She looked almost scared, like she didn't really wanna talk to me.

I wanted to leave, but I kept on staring at her, without letting word out of my mouth.

"Bradley," she started but I interrupted her.

"Stop calling me that." I said sternly, but I fucking hated it. She was the only one who called me that, and I couldn't handle her being special to me. She should be like anyone else, that I just dumped after. That would be easier.

She looked at me, like she suddenly didn't know what she was gonna say. She looked sad, sort of vulnerable. "Why are you like this?"

I didn't know what to answer, and honestly I didn't want to talk with her. Then I would just capitulate. I turned around walking away from her.

"Bradley," she said again, making me a bit mad. She probably didn't think about what she said, but it pissed me off.

"Do you even know how much it fucking hurts acting like I don't care?" I turned around.

"Then don't act." She almost whispered. I looked down, I couldn't stand looking at her. It made me want to kiss her, touch her. I knew I shouldn't, and I would just regret it, if I did.

"You broke my fucking heart, when I didn't even know I had one." She hurt me. More than anything else, maybe because it was different. I was used to the kind you could see. The way she hurt me, was on the inside. My heart was aching, and that was way worse.

"And I honestly thought that you loved me too." I said without really knowing which words came out. Fuck, now I was the vulnerable one. Why did I always have to show her that side of me?

"I did," she said almost unsure. She didn't, and it was clear to see.

"But Maggie, you weren't in love with me. You were in love with the feeling I gave you." She stared at me, not knowing what to say.

"That's not true." She spoke a little louder this time, with blurry eyes, but I didn't want to do this anymore. She only made it worse.

I turned around yet again walking away from her. I could feel her hand on my shoulder, but I kept going, which removed the hand.

"Please," I heard her croak. She was probably in tears now, but it was better this way. It was better if I just ignored her. She wasn't gonna make me vulnerable or weak. I wasn't that person.

"Don't go," I could hear her footsteps, and she tried to turn me around again, but I only walked faster. I shrugged her hand off. "I didn't sleep with him,"

I almost stopped. "He only made me drunk." She continued. I fucking hated him. He only said it to annoy me. He knew I talked to her, and he knew she wasn't like anyone else, even though I didn't tell him or the others.

"Do you think I give a shit about you loosing your virginity or not?" I turned around with rage. "I let you in, I fucking let you in, telling me about my past, falling for you, and everything's destroyed."

But I did care. I was standing there lying to her face. Of course she didn't sleep with him of own free will. And she didn't derserve all of this - me being angry at her. I was just mad, mostly at myself I think. I wasn't supposed to fall in love.

"Why do you always have to blame me?" She was speaking loudly. Her cheeks were wet, and her eyes were a bit bloodshot. Still, she looked so perfect.

"It's always you." I didn't know why I kept going. She didn't derserve me. I was the one being selfish.

"I've done nothing wrong, and you always act like this whenever-"

I shut her mouth, by chrashing my lips onto hers. She frose as I move my lips along hers, placing my hands either side of her cheeks. They were warm, making me feel guilty. Those tears was because of me.

She kissed me back, and I put my hands under her thighs, carrying her over to of the skip. Her hands were on my shoulders, as she sat on it. I stood between her legs, our torsoes close together. My hands were on her thighs.

The weather was cold, but our body temperature was heating us up. I wanted to take her right here, but it would be wrong. She was too innocent to let me, and she was still a virgin. Obviously she cared about that, and for someone like me to take her virginity, wouldn't be optional for her.

But she was attracted to me somehow. Otherwise she wouldn't care, she would almost beg me to come back. And I promised myself that I wouldn't, but I kissed her.

I didn't know whether or not it was a good idea, but I had to. I was craving her, and it was hard to restrain myself.
For now, this is all I want.