unexpected - b.w.s

69. Tired & vulnerable

(Brad)

Again, I didn't have enough money. He started wanting cocaine too. He was craving it more, just when I didn't have enough.

His damaged, colorless face stared at me, while walking by his whore. She was again standing there all useless. She looked just as lifeless as him, probably because of him using her body. All withdrawn and fragile, unlike last time. Even her pink robe lost it's color.

I wanted to leave, but I knew, that if I didn't show up, he would come to me. Last time that happened, Vanessa was home, and I was only lucky that she was asleep.

This happened over and over again, no matter how much I brought, he was unsatisfied. He enjoyed it, seeing me weak. But I cared about my sister, and wasn't supposed to know that she was alive. And I cared about my mother, though I hated they way she always worked and made me take care of Vanessa. If I didn't give him the amount of powder and pills he wanted, he would probably abuse my mom. 

I clenched my jaw, giving him the little plastic bag. He was drunker than usual. I was weaker than usual. It was like I was waiting for it, so I could leave. I actually didn't care anymore, because it usually wasn't so bad. He was drained from any form of power, his drinking made his wrists loose. As long as he didn't have the knife, it wouldn't hurt. 

He was high, and somehow I didn't feel like getting high, myself. He was repulsive to look at. I didn't want to end up like him.

His strong breath hit me, as he pulled in my shirt. Back against the cupboards, spitting meaningless words about how he needs more. Blood on his knuckles, but it wasn't mine, but I knew it would be soon. 

My eyes rested onto her. She was just as careless as I was. I guess she was used to it. We locked eyes for a second, and I felt even more uncomfortable. 

He grabbed my shoulders, and hit me with his knee in my stomach. I let out a groan, as I couldn't hold it inside anymore. The pain was starting to get worse. My body was aching, and I wanted to crumble together making the pain more bearable. He punched me a few times more in the face, and I could taste the metal like taste in my mouth.

Eyelids half down of dizziness and tiredness, I walked away. It was pathetic how his hands were already sore from repeating this once a week. 

I promised Vanessa that I would be home when she was asleep, but I didn't feel like confronting her confused face. Always asking me why I looked like that, but lately I haven't answered. I always came up with excuses that didn't involve any violence from other people. I was getting more careless about it, and she became more sad. 

I just didn't feel like it, I wanted someone to care. I never felt that, and I needed it in that moment.

-

I woke up the sound of someone ringing the doorbell. I got up from my bed slowly. Then knocks on the door, making it seem almost keen. I opened up, and saw a glance of Bradley's face red - covered in blood on his forehead and upper lip, but before I could do or say anything, he hugged me. His arms stretched around my torso tightly.

"Brad, are you okay?" I talked slowly, taken aback by what was happening.

But he didn't answer right away, he just rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel his heartbeat through the fabrics.

"Mags can you hold me?" His voice cracked. He sounded so lost, so despairing. "Please, take your arms around me." He almost yearned for it. 

His body was shaking, but it wasn't because of the cold weather, his body was warm as usual. He was shaking, like he was crying or afraid of something. I don't think, I've ever seen him like this. I took my arms around him as well. His breathing was shaky as well. I rubbed his back, and he pulled me tight into him.

He wasn't usually like this, it was like he needed me to take care of him, and normally he would do it himself. He wouldn't be so desperate, but I did as he wanted. He always did they same with me whenever I needed it, and he needed it this time.

"Bradley.." but I didn't know what to say. It was 2 am, and I had no idea why he was here or what happened, but there we stood - in front of my apartment embracing each other.

"Just hold me," he repeated. "Don't let go, okay?" The sound muffled by my hair, and he sniffled. It reminded me of the time after we went to a café, and he had something that looked like a panic attack. But he wasn't so affected as he is this time.

He removed his arms for a second, still his body pressed onto mine, and I think it was to wipe away the tears. But I didn't let go of him.

"Okay."