Remembering Mr. Perfect

Twenty Five

I woke feeling a little emptier than usual. I let my eyes dart around until it landed on a man sleeping on the couch beside me.

Right, nasa ospital pa rin pala ako.

Then flashbacks from last night weighed on me. I lost my child. Nawalan ako ng anak dahil sa mga walang pusong taong ito. I felt flushes of anger and hatred. Parang iyon na lang ang dumadaloy sa sistema ko.

Galit.

I wanted to scream and rub to their faces that they were bloody murderers! But what's the point to that now? Hindi nila maibabalik ang anak ko.

I hugged my tummy tight, mentally saying sorry to my almost-child. Kung alam ko lang, sana inalagaan ko pa ang sarili ko. Sana mas naging maingat ako. Sana. Sana. Hindi ako naubusan ng sana.

I was idly looking outside the window when I felt a brief squeeze on my shoulder. Nilingon ko at nakita ko si Ivan na kagigising. "Tonie, umm gutom ka ba?"

I feel nausea building up when I look on his face. Wala akong ibang makita kundi isang mamamatay tao na walang ibang ginawa kundi saktan ako para sa pansarili niyang kasiyahan.

Hindi ko siya sinagot, muli kong ibinalik ang titig ko sa bintana. I sense the fear on his aura. "Tonie, umm, kukuhanan lang kita ng makakain ha. Saglit lang."

I heard the door open and close signifying that he has gone food hunting. Pero alam ko hindi niya rin matiis ang atmosphere naming dalawa.