Remembering Mr. Perfect

Twenty Seven

                  

"Sabi dito sa history mo, you experience a severe blow in the head leaving you unconscious for a few days. And I assume your very first memory is waking up inside a room like this?"

My words retreated as my throat turned dry as I reply another nod. "You see, Dissiociative Amnesia works like that. It is usually caused by a trauma leaving your brain completely reprogramming to forget the experience, memory loss so to speak. There are different types of amnesia, localized, selective, generalized, continuous, but for you - systematized amnesia."

My breathing has become sharp as I listen intently to the truth being unfolded infront of me. "Now back to your headaches. Can you give me an example on how or when or where have you started having these?"

"First one was when we're still in the Philippines. An old guy approached me saying I looked like the woman in the newspaper article talking about a man's missing wife. Hindi ko na maalala yung pangalan nung lalakeng sinasabi niya. Pangalawa nung nabasa ko na mismo sa diyaryo yung sinasabi nung matandang iyon. Pangatlo, nung may kamuntikan kaming nabangga ni Ivan habang nag-aaway kami sa loob ng sasakyan. Pang-apat, when we were in the Amusment Park and the last one ay nung nag-bike kami around the neighborhood. " Napatango si Doc Kim habang palapad ng palapad ang ngiti niya sa mukha.

"I think you haven't look clearly through it Tonie." She said which made me confused. "So these occasional headaches, as you put it, do pieces of memory come along with it?"

I nodded while creasing my forhead more trying to analyze her smile. "Yes, it does."

"You see there are a few known cures for Dissiociative Amnesia. One is psychotherapy, memory retrieval techniques hypnosis by example and the simplest form is by supportive environment. At kahit hindi mo napapansin yun, these circumstances kung saan ka nakaranas ng sakit ng ulo, are circumstances that are making you remember things that happened before your trauma.Without you even noticing it." I can hear a boom as soon as she ended her last sentence. How can I be so dumb?

I closed my eyes as I try to remember all those memories that has been knocking on my head ever since. Heath Ongpuaco, the girl he has holding, their smiles, their voices. Shit.

"Tonie, are you alright?" Doctor Kim asks as she lowers her head to see my reaction. I looked at her and for the first time in the longest time, I felt my facial muscle curve into a smile. "Y-yes doc. J-just a sudden realization." I mumble on my words.

"I guess that is enough interrogation for one day. I will check on you again. Kailangan mo pang sabihin sa akin kung bakit ka umiinom ng SSRIs and Calming drugs. Because I have a feeling that you don't have any idea that you were taking them in the first place. Alam kong mali to meddle on other people's business especially with my patients, pero hindi ko kasi maatim maisip na you were force to take those drugs.  And if I assumed correctly, I am willing to lend a hand to put your baby's death to justice." She then stood and again offered her hand to me. "I will be talking to you again soon."

Kinuha ko yun and gladly shook it before I ask another question. "Doc, sa atin lang ito kung pupwede?"

"Of course. I have pledged confidentiality in my profession." She said with reassuring smile before she disappeared infront of me.

I cannot possibly think I could be this stupid. Masyado akong preoccupied sa mga nangyayari sa amin ni Ivan na hindi ko na napapansin that I was actually recalling things.

I may not be a hundred percent sure, but I know. I am Antoinette Louvelle Lastimosa and I am Heath Ongpauco's missing wife. Hindi ko na kasi maalala yung pangalan nung sinasabi nung matanda noon. But why else would Heath Ongpauco be engraved in my memories? And maybe, just maybe, that girl is my baby. I have a daughter. Despite of the lingering pain of my almost-baby, I felt a tingle of happiness inside me nang naisip ko na may baby ako.

The spark of hope I am nursing died when I saw two uninvited guest inside my hospital room. "T-tonie, kamusta ang usapan ninyo ni doc?" Tanong ni Ivan ng nakaupo siya sa tabi ko.

He tried reaching for my hand pero inilayo ko iyon. "Don't you even dare touch me." I said with a simper. He puffed some air into his lungs before he retreated his hands.

I was waiting for Sandra to come up with some insulting words but she didn't even spat any. She just stood there as if mentally talking to his deranged son.

The next morning, Doctor Kim graced inside my room. "How are you feeling Tonie?" Agad na tanong niya, katatapos ko lang kumain at inumin ang mga gamot na ibinigay niya.

"Good. Thanks doc."

"We're not gonna waste time Tonie, so who registered those drugs on you?" Her tone now different from what I heard when she first entered my room.

Itinaas ko ang sleeve ng hospital gown na suot ko para ipakita ang mga pasa doon gawa ng mga hiringilya na itinutusok sa akin ni Dave.

Napatayo siya para tignan iyon, mayron ako sa magkabilang braso. "What are these Tonie?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I collect the will power to answer her. "It started during our flight going here, I woke up just to find myself cuffed on a wheelchair. Naririnig kong nakikipagusap si Ivan sa hindi ko kilalang tao talking about fake documents. Naghuramentado ako and then a guy in a white uniform approached me and started registering drugs I don't know." Tears started streaming down my face ng naalala ko ang kahayupan ni Ivan. "It didn't stop there, everytime I misbehave they would restrain me and force me to take these drugs. I lost count on how many times I endured those numbing pain. Hanggang sa naisipan kong sakyan sila. But I didn't knew I was pregnant, I swear I didn't."

I buried my face on my palms as waves of those dark, cruel memories haunted me. I remembered them all so well that the wounds bleed fresh. My baby. My sweet, innocent baby.

Doctor Kim just sat beside me to console me and my uncontrollable sobbing. "Then why did you marry him?" She asked out of nowhere. As if I am dumb enough to marry a murderer.

"I didn't. I wasn't married to him legally. He just thinks I was. He is delusional, deranged. Hindi ko pa alam, pero I have a gut feeling that he was the one who saw me after my accident and started to play fantasies with me. Nung una, akala ko asawa ko rin siya. Pero may yaya kami na nagsabi na may totoo akong asawa. I always find him skittish about a lot of things before I knew this.Parang may tinatago siya sa akin. Little by little, mas lumalala ang mga pagtatago niya sa akin. Kaya lagi kaming nag-aaway. Hanggang sa idinala niya ako dito sa Taiwan by force."

I almost choke on my own tears as I tell her everything. "You can sue them for this Tonie. For all that has happened to you. I will help you. But first, kailangan mong makauwi sa totoong mong asawa. Sa totoo mong pamilya."