Dare to Fall

Chapter XVI

As I woke up this morning, a wave of melancholy washed over me, pressing down on my chest like an anchor. I struggled to open my eyes, a dull ache pulsing in my temples, and it hit me: I had cried myself to sleep again last night. The tears had come on suddenly, uninvited, as they often did, and I could barely remember what had triggered them.

Lately, crying had become an almost routine part of my day. I'd wake up with tears on my cheeks, feeling like I'd lost an entire night to the relentless grasp of insomnia. Those who could slip into restful sleep didn't understand the exhaustion that came with staring at a ceiling for hours, waiting for fatigue to finally win over the racing thoughts in my mind.

Being an insomniac was just one piece of a much larger puzzle that included anxiety and depression. Every night, as I lay in bed, the silence of the world around me would amplify my own thoughts, dragging me into the depths of overthinking and replaying painful memories like a broken record.

There was one memory in particular that haunted me—the moment I lost my father. I hated bringing it up with my mom, not just because it would reopen my wounds, but hers as well. I was supposed to be a young adult, capable of navigating my own pain, yet I felt lost and fragile, like a child needing a parent's comforting embrace.

If only I had a remote control to pause and rewind life. I'd go back to when my dad was alive and things felt normal. But life didn't offer do-overs, and I had to come to terms with that reality, no matter how painful it was. Each day was a reminder that I had to find a way to be strong, to face the world even when it felt impossibly heavy.

I missed him deeply. His spirit and love had once been my guiding light, pushing me forward even when I felt like giving up. I often thought about how he would want me to carry on, how his love would never truly fade.

"Hailey, are you okay? You don't look too good. Want me to walk you to the nurse's office?" Amelia's voice broke through my thoughts. I looked at her, trying to shake off the weight of my emotions. She was biting into a Granny Smith apple, the crunch loud enough to annoy me.

One of my pet peeves.

"I'm fine," I replied, shaking my head and grabbing a french fry from my tray, dipping it in her ketchup and taking a bite. My stomach churned, but I was too tired to care.

I hadn't seen Cayden today, which felt odd. Why was I suddenly looking for him? I didn't have an answer, but after our conversation yesterday at the coffee shop, I found myself hoping he was okay. I'd seen a side of him that felt real and raw, and it left me feeling both elated and anxious. Had I made him uncomfortable by asking about his parents?

"So, I guess you're relieved that Cayden isn't following you around today?" Amelia said, breaking my train of thought.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," I replied, my voice lacking enthusiasm.

Amelia raised an eyebrow, noticing my lack of energy. "What's going on? You seem off. It's about Cayden, isn't it?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, it's just... complicated."

"Come on, Hailey. It's totally about him. You've got that look."

"Amelia, really," I said, half-laughing but also feeling a bit irritated.

She stared at me for a moment, tilting her head, trying to decipher my emotions. "Look, something's bothering you, and I don't know what it is, but I can tell it's connected to Cayden."

"Can we not talk about this? I'm fine!" I snapped, standing up and grabbing our food trays to throw them away.

As we headed towards the trash, I noticed Amelia was staring at someone. I followed her gaze to see Cayden's friends, Noah and Logan, laughing boisterously.