Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's exam paper said 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither'.
Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk and I swatted one how many flies would be left?
Girl: One, the dead one.
Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours?
Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it!
Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.
Pupil : How long for the answer sir!
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Pupil: One dollar.
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.
Pupil: You don't know my father!
Teacher: I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
Pupil: No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!
Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late?
Pupil : Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early!
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago?
Pupil: Me!
Teacher : What is the most common phrase used in school?
Pupil : I don't know
Teacher: Correct!
Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother's day?
Pupil: The school bus!
Teacher: What are you going to be when you get out of school?
Pupil: An old man!
Teacher : What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air?
Pupil : It's stolen!
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have?
Pupil : A fight!
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language?
Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
Teacher: Name two pronouns?
Pupil: Who?, me?
Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word lettuce!
Pupil : Let us out of school early!
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O.
Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you?
George: Sure, you said H to O!
