Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast.
Henry: If you're so smart, what did I have?
Counselor: Eggs.
Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!
Boy: Our teacher talks to herself does yours?
Girl: Yes, but she doesn't realize it, she thinks we're actually listening!
Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear?
Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
Mother: Really? Why's that?
Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.
Girl: I'm not going back to school ever again!
Mother: Why ever not?
Girl: The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?
Fred: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History.
Mother: Well, at least you can add!
Professor: A wise man doubts everything. Only a pin-head is positive.
Student: Are you sure of that, sir?
Professor: Positive.
Mother: What did you learn in school today?
Jason: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
Father: Well Son, how are your exam results?
Son: They're under water
Father: What do you mean?
Son: Below "C" level!
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.
Judge: Do you accept that you stole the money from him?
Man: No my lord, he gave it to me.
Judge: When did he give it to you?
Man: When I showed him the knife.
Jake: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Jude: Why do you say that?
Jake: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
Son: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad: I think so. What is it you want me to write?
Son: Your name on this report card.
Uncle: Are you in the top half of your class?
Tommy: No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible!
Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making?
Dad: Why is that, what are you making?
Pupil: Mistakes!
Father: You were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
Son: Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?
Father: Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!
Woman: Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?
Man: I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles.
Patient: Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
Doctor: Don't answer!
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
Doctor: What's come over you?
Patient: Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
