Teacher: You idiots! At Your Age, Einstein Ranked First in Class. What about You???
Student: Sir, At Your Age, Hitler Committed Suicide..! What about You???
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?
Fred: There it is.
Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?
Louise: Fred did!
Teacher: This note from your father, it looks like your handwriting?
Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen!
Teacher : Were you copying his sums?
Pupil : No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right!
Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered?
Fred: Someone got a nasty shock.
Teacher : Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat and detail in it.
Pupil : When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail!
Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class?
Pupil: My mother won't let me do it at home!
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning?
Pupil: About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission!
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of. Pupil: Life imprisonment!
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!
Teacher : Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes.
Pupil : We're not passing notes. We're playing cards!
Teacher: In music, if "f" means "forte", what does "ff" mean?
Pupil: Eighty.
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Teacher (surprised): Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze?
Pupil: Hot water!
Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round.
Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so!
Teacher: Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes teacher, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Teacher: Now go on from there.
Fred: Jack, Queen, King.
