1. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.
2. I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
3. When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
4. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.
5. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
6. You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
7. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!
8. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
9. Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring. Wedding ring Suffering.
10. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
11. The big problem with "fast" food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just parks there and lets the fat have time to get off and apply for citizenship.
12. Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?
13. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
14. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
15. I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it! For two cents, I'd give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
16. We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!
17. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
18. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
19. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.
20. Have you seen stevie wonders house? -neither did he.
