First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think it is vanity?
Second girl: No it's imagination.
Patient: Doctor doctor I can't concentrate one minute I'm okay the next I'm blank.
Doctor: And how long have you had this complaint?
Patient: What complaint?
Woman: I guess I didn't get my birthday wish
Man: How do you know?
Woman: You're still here.
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old, fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do.
Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager!
Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back you are wearing it out.
Willie: I have an awful toothache
Tommie: I'd have it taken out if it was mine.
Willie: Yes, if it was yours, I would too.
Barber: And how old are you little man?
Fred: Eight.
Barber: And do you want a haircut?
Fred: Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!
Woman: I'm not ugly. I can marry any one I pleased.
Man: But that's the problem - you don't pleased anyone.
Woman: People keep telling me that I am beautiful.
Man: What vivid imaginations some people have.
Customer: Why is my hairline receding.
Barber: It's not. Your scalp is advancing.
Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.
First witch: My beauty is timeless.
Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.
Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders?
Harry: Help! What is it?
Fred: Your head!
Fred: Your sister uses to much make up.
Harry: Do you think so?
Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling.
Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller?
Sharon: No, why?
Karen: His head sticking through his hair.
Patient: Doctor Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?
Doctor: Yes, here is a paper bag!
Beautician: Did that mudpack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance.
Man: It did for a while, then it fell off.
Kid: Mom, all the kids at school says that I am a werewolf! Its that true?
Mom: No off course not. Now shut up and comb your face.
Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars!
Girl monster: Have I really?
Boy monster: Yes -it's all green and wrinkly!
1st man: My neighbors was screaming and yelling at 3'o clock this morning!
2nd man: Did they wake you up?
1st man: Nah... I was up playing my bagpipes.
